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Disghusted but working on it


I CANNOT BELIEVE the person I was, am, and will strive to change. I’m so lazy, absent minded, and moody and overall RUDE and DSRESPECTFUL. I need to change EVERYTHING ABOUT ME. Starting with my grooming habits. I need to change this life I’m living. I’m taking drugs daily now, started taking showers (yes THAT BAD). doing laundry. Sometimes it feels like i can barely move, others I forget to go have fun at night at an undisclosed location doing stuff I love as a workout. If any of you are trying to work out and on’t know where to start, I’d suggest this, pick up a new sport or skill that you love. It’s good enough if it’s yo-yoing outdoors or simply playing concentration (card game) outdoors on your phone. I do my skill at night people are less likely o speak to me and try to approach me with their fake rederick infused BULLSHIT. Doing fun things alone is so liberating. And I’m learning discipline for when I do things. I’m learning how to be a better son. I just realized all the Damage I’ve caused. I had no Idea how awful of a human being I’ve been. And that’s ok. It’s better for me to realize how wrong I am now, than later. It’s good enought to change. I need to get closer to my Family… SOME of my family. Too many negative people. I cannot believe how much I allowed people to do. I need to read a lot more, and update my mental databases. Today, I ensured I ate and prepared food for the rest of the week. In a healthy body, there’s a healthy mind according to my sensei. I need to bake some bread tonight and then I’ll have almond butter jelly sandwiches. I can then finish this project I’m working on. I’m happy about it even if it took me 50 days to do a 4 hour job. I also want to buy some of the things I destroyed, a storage heart, a boiling temper, and a memory storage. Most likely a skin bar and a talker. I feel like certain results don’t always mean what we think they do. I want Cosmos to heal like I am. I cannot stay here, in this epitome, this nadir this booby. Also I’m scribing for the mistress idea.

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