First time poster

  October 12th, 2017 by pt9124

First time posting to a suicide board.  I’m not bad enough off yet to actually do it (probably 30 years out I guess.)  But I have thought about death (my own and others’) all my life.  As an eight year old I tried to kill myself so I could go to heaven.  My life wasn’t bad, I just figured if heaven was so great, why wait?  My mom stills tell the story (I hid behind a mailbox and jumped in front of a car, but I jumped out to early and the car stopped) and she always says “he didn’t know you couldn’t come back.”  Yeah I did.  If heaven is great, why would I want to come back?  As an eight year that was my thinking.

Now I know God wants me to do good things for other people before my life on this world ends.  So on I trudge.  Waiting for the inevitable.

Anyway, life goes on.  But we all die in the end.  I am not afraid of death.  I am afraid of life.

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