Hacked, struggling, surviving

  October 15th, 2017 by CARLOSPEJUAN

I will make it. I’m having a lot of problems, but for the first time, I’m able, capable and willing even of feeling the will to be alive. I want to live for once and I already see the difference in so many of my actions. I fear my roommates are injecting me with steroids at night. I fear the problem was low T the whole time. But I am getting checked for that specific reason. 🙂

I know I can do this. I don’t know how or why I think I was actually hacked, and people were harrasing online. These people are now calling me a liar and a whole lot of things. They’re upset because I tested to see if it was them, and unfortunately it was. I’m not hurt, nor sorry nor should you. I must say I didn’t mean to hurt or offend anyone. A lot of the stuff I come here and type is very emotionally driven and from how I think right now is at least somewhat or completely VICTIMIZED.
I want to be the best, but I’m not even good and that’s ok. Gotta start somewhere. I know how to do it, but I feel like I’ve burned so many bridges with my idiocy. I want to become a contributing member of society. I want new better faster neurological connections. I want to be smart and wise. I want to be amazing. Make Carlos Pejuan again!!!! I meant great lol.
For anyone who may be experiencing suicidal thoughts, please seek help and wait it out. <3 I'm glad I did. Even if it set me back, I'm glad I did. I understand if you choose to end yours. For I one was planning on doing the same. Thanks to everyone who came in here and supported a complete steamed expecting NOTHING in return. Whether you know me personally or not, thank you. I'm still gonna post, for I now have a lot of problems that I didn't know I had, and one of them is a lack of friends, and communication. But overall I will update this blog. I'd post videos, mainly because I don't like YouTube. It's so political and capitalistic now, where'd all the fun go to? But, I don't want anyone to see who I am and find me, or anything along those lines. I hope all is well. Again thank you, the suicide project worked. Watch me come in here in a day talking about I lost my job and I want to kill myself lol. Regardless if what happens, at This moment, at this point in time I'm alive, Hacked, struggling, surviving. And I'm sure as hell living.

PS. I'm going to have a hard time explaining this to my dad in a week but it's ok. At least I'll finally address my issues. <3

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