Each day that passes I feel more and more aware of myself. I want it all to end, more so than usual. I fought so hard to achieve the success I have.. And yet I still feel so dead inside. I can’t trust anyone. Or even myself. From the moment I awaken I wonder how soon I can have slumber once again. Maybe one day.. I will get to enjoy a wakeless sleep and never have to walk on this Earth again. I feel so alone.. I am alone.. I have nothing but my thoughts and the routine I have after each work day. I work. I come home. I sleep. Eating is a chore these days. Social interaction is something I want to avoid.
But.. then I found this place. And maybe I’m not alone. Maybe people out there truly do feel the same as me, or even worse.
I just feel that my final serenade is coming soon. And then.. I won’t have to live a life where I have to lie about being okay or putting on a fake smile just to get my co-workers off my back each day.
My body is numb.. And my soul feels the same.
2 comments
I’m sorry, my mind immediately went to the part in Scott Pilgrim where he’s having the nightmare about how alone he is, and… I chuckled a bit.
Okay, now in all seriousness. Yes, you’re not alone here. I get you. We get you. 🙂
I don’t work. I just smoke all day and wait for when I can sleep and wish for the ability and nerve to end my life. And I have insomnia so I can’t sleep until 6-11am. Then I have the most terrifying nightmares that exacerbate my desire to end my life. I was doing ok, then I had a murderous nightmare. I went to sleep at 8:30 this morning and woke up to a stranger in a creep van running his mouth like a motor at my thermometer. Wow, in any life that would be a terrible start to any day.