I need a constant reminder

I need a constant reminder not to do stupid stuff. Last night was the anniversary of the day I lost my virginity to this one guy. Over the past year of that and the previous 10months before that of knowing him, there was a lot of shit between us. We never ended up in a normal regular relationship even though there was a point we could have had that. Anyways every so often he gets stuck in my head and I can’t get him out and it hurts a lot. Yesterday I knew at one point that would happen, and it did. So I drove around, and when I drive around I tend to drive to places I’ve been to before like people’s houses that I knew, etc, learning new ways to take to those places. So I drove past his apartment because it was just one of the places and I saw his truck outside. So after making another loop around the complex I decided to park next to his truck because I was just having a breakdown inside over this dude again. Anyways after sitting there for about 10minutes texting a friend I decided to just write a note on a napkin and leave it in his windshield wiper with stuff I’ve thought about regarding him that I kind of wanted him to know. And I don’t regret putting this note there, but I was thinking about it a lot today and I was just like “I should be over him, I shouldn’t have left this note” so I drive back over there a little bit ago just in case there was a chance that he never drove anywhere today or didn’t get to his car to find the note. Obviously it’s been almost a full day and of course when I get there his truck is in a different spot. I get out to double check and make sure the note is gone and it is and I just feel like an idiot. Like I shouldn’t have left that note, I haven’t talked to him in over 4 months, I haven’t seen him at all in that span of time. There’s no chance to take back that note and I don’t regret anything said in the note it was just something that I shouldn’t be dragging him into because he shouldn’t have anything to do with me at this point, he was just my first for a lot of things and I’m just having trouble leaving him behind because of that and I just had a really weird dream of him last night and I’m sorry if this is long I just come here to vent things I can’t vent to other people because I just feel like this is a safe place so I’m sorry if this is off topic to stuff mainly posted here. But he’s seen the note I left and he knows it’s from me and I just wish I left him out of my internal mess, I just feel like an idiot when it comes to anything regarding him since he should be completely gone from my life at this point.