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I’m scared.

by Jen

I’m scared.

I feel like im sinking. I tried to talk about it with a friend. I want to. But i just couldn’t. I couldn’t explain what i was going through. I couldn’t express it. It’s too much. And i… I felt worse. Now, everything seems too much to handle. Everything’s heavy. And i’m scared. I’m scared because i realized, i’ve been through this same feeling last 2015. And i promised myself i won’t go back to this state because there’s no reason to go back and i don’t think i can handle it. So i’m scared. Very scared. I don’t know what to do. All i do is pretend to be okay the whole day and cry myself to sleep. It’s 2015 all over again.
Help.

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4 comments

Hadouken 10/17/2017 - 4:48 pm

You ask for help.. but you pulled yourself from these feelings before. You say they are for nothing.. you’re giving yourself the answers right before your eyes?
Do you need help.. Or a reminder?

Jen 10/18/2017 - 1:07 am

I just don’t know what to do anymore. I feel incapable. Now, i doubt what i’ve been through if i really got over it. I remember this feeling because the thoughts i’m having are the same. And everything’s coming back. I’ve always been independent but now I’m scared because now i feel i’m alone. And i dont know why. I just want it to stop. I don’t know what to do and i think even if i know what to do i couldnt pull myself to get it done and be better. Because, physically my body felt sore and im having headaches and im tired. And i have to maintain a happy aura because i know my family won’t understand. I know i sound stupid. And some may think it’s for attention but i swear to god it’s not. I wish i had a broad vocabulary to express myself better. Cause, everytime i try to talk about this to anyone i get misunderstood and i just feel worse and i blame myself for feeling worse because i couldnt say what was really going on. I dont have enough logical reasons why im like this. I wish i had.

ShermanDog 10/17/2017 - 9:46 pm

i understand it can be hard to open up to people you know on a personal level. maybe try opening up to a stranger? im here if you want to talk

a1957 10/17/2017 - 11:44 pm

My friends and family have never been able to engage in conversation in a useful or satisfying way on this subject. Like minded strangers do much better.

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