By now, I just became aware that not only the other main Creators also sick, and probably VERY MUCH SO, but I found out through others who have NO relationship to them. It’s ok, I’ve also discovered I’m most likely autistic, and bipolarish which s why it seemed like innatentive adhd. Good news is I’m clearly high functioning (kinda). And that my current job is teaching me MULTIPLE coping skills that my creators, and the Proxy creators thereafter attempted to download onto the traveler’s hard drive. I now know why they couldn’t download it, file was not compatible. I feel guilty, because the other main creator blames themselves, but it is NOT THEIR FAULT., it’s honestly NO ONE’S fault. A healthy diet, exercise, love, and willpower are the things that seem to e helping me heal. I now am closer than ever to own my car, I now am closer than ever to look at houses, and I am now closer than ever to regain social acceptance despite awkwardness. Tomorrow is a Quinoa’s baby shower, I had the opportunity to go, but to go there I’d have to ride with my other Quinoa who has done NOTHING BUT SHADE AND CUSS since I got here. I understand exactly what she THINKS she knows, but I haven’t been honest with myself let alone anyone else. I tried telling her a story she was to blinded by wrath to listen. She wanted to talk all that mess but not listen. I will make a different post addressing that situation, mainly because it’s my fault for now knowing about me, and not taking care of myself. Then again there was NO WAY I could’ve known, such is life. Thanks to her, my anxiety kicked up again, and last thing I need is to show up at a party with strangers and make (MORE OF) a fool of myself. Regardless of what amazing gift life is in this case. Especially through all my cousin has been through. It makes me so happy who she has become. Hopefully her sister and I can one day change and be better people, we’ll see, time will tell. I simply could NOT show up and make this about myself. Especially with what I mentioned on the last post. I don’t think now is the time to tell them that the carbon monoxide incident was ACTUALLY an accident (contrary to how my stupid chicken relative decided to try to call me out). I was planning to kill myself next year. The plan is in one of the many emotion driven posts I have on here and you’re more than welcome to comment on it or any other post if you please. I cannot promise a timely response as I definitely have A LOT of work to do on myself thus I can almost guarantee I’ll eventually outgrow this page, but idk if I’ll delete it, it kinda shows me where I’m coming from, kinda sucks it may be a liability, ESPECIALLY with the idiots who I’ve encountered recently. I don’t expect anyone ESPECIALLY my sick creator the competent one (no offense if the other one reads this sad part is they’ll IMMEDIATELY know who they are without me having to say anything.) to understand my condition is SERIOUS and it’s the cause of A LOT of my behaviours. But, I will still send all those who need to know information about my condition. Not as a crutch, not as a victimization, but as a way for them to understand that sometimes people have issues, and that’s okay. It’s better to deal with the issue at hand early, than to simply yell holler and shun the person which CLEARLY did NOTHING FOR ME nor the other silenced puzzle-peaces not a typo). Idk if I’ll ever show this to anyone, IDK if I’ll ever give this blog name to the people I want to read this. The two competent creators (they don’t even know each other like that. The sick Main Creator, and the Flower creator), definitely wouldn’t show it to the creator of proxy. For they are so consumed with greed, that they failed to see what I was saying. They probably hacked me because they’re too busy playing some odd game ergo they have NO IDEA how to talk to me. They don’t even know I don’t care for the game, nor am I eligible to play it, I just have nothing new or positive to report and HE TOOK THE ONE THING I LOVED AWAY FROM ME at the lowest point of my life. So I kinda died in the inside lol. So yeah, he can suck a dick, thanks for everything asshole, but you kinda sorta almost contributed to my suicide <3 .l. . (insert look what you made me do Zombie Make Up by Taylor Swift here).
But, i grew stronger I worked harder, and I Nickled Dimed. Baby I rose up from the dead I do it all the time.
Read day of the rose if you want to know more about that. This same Creator is one I’m for ever grateful for, as I would have died a long time ago if it weren’t for them. But, make no mistake, there’s 7,000,000,000 others in the world that we can choose to deal with. I love them, but this will now be forever at a distance. Maybe this will change, but this proxy finder Creator and the incompetent creator need to solve THEIR issues before approaching me. I cannot allow that much toxicity around me anymore, no matter how much I love the source. Mainly because I’m toxic and I NEED TO CHANGE. Clearly they weren’t helping, they sent me in route to change though, thank you. 🙂 Again this has become emotional and vague. No consistency, a little substance. And thus I know I need to get off here and pick up a book. Gosh it’s so hard to do >n< What moron have I become, oh well I need to change regardless so at least slowly but surely I'm doing it. If i showed you this, you know NOTHING. TRUST ME! It may look like it, but there's a lot of stories on here you may want to take a look at.I have been dead in the inside for a looooong time. And if I told you next year I would become homeless, think again, the game was suicide, the prize was death and I had a plan. Hopefully you're thankful It won't happen that way now. MAybe it's the moon you must thank who knows.
Addressing one of my Quinoa I mentioned earlier in a note, but ONLY for me. I don't care about their irrational outbursts and lashing out on a mentally challenged person.