I feel that initial fear that’s inate to the body trying to survive regardless of how depressed one is…yet have tried many times with no luck on killing self. Wrist, pills, now hanging (low suspension)
Either symptoms go away and back to normal after a few days of feeling horrible, the knot comes undone…or just sit there with a throbbing headache, where it feels like my head is on fire. Too scared to try at a higher height… mostly due to the pain factor, but hanging is only option I have. Got stuck in noose once last attempt, as I sat on the floor, kneeling forward, but wasn’t tight enough to do enough and only made my neck, head, and back ache. Had been sitting and kneeling there for almost 1/2 hour. Body was physically exhausted. Just wanted to crawl into bed and sleep. Tried sleeping there, since I was stuck in noose I made out of a bedsheet, but body kept waking me up everytime I nodded off. Remember at one point, closing eyes to try and sleep, noose still trapped around neck. Suddenly jolted awake again, eyes wide open. Managed to get noose off and went to bed and fell asleep. Cat woke me up later that evening, pawing at covers. Still want to die, but feels like some being…God maybe is preventing me from suceeding.
Every time I wake up I feel more and more depressed and thoughts come back. Even thought of tying it around neck, attached to bathroom shower pole. Don’t know if it’ll hold, but know due to not having eaten in 5 days so far, and not drinking enough fluids, body get extremely lightheaded. Especially after taking a hot bath or shower. Also will break out into a sweat. It will be so bad where I have to sit or lay down as soon as I get out, and hyperventalate for a few minutes before I can function. Wonder if I could use that as a advantage with ending life. Wonder if it’s possible while sitting in tub.
I have no resources, no job anymore, no funds. Don’t see things getting better before Oct 31st. My furbabies have kept me going, and guy I have a crush on, but things are going to go to hell quickly and soon. Messed up so badly, there’s no way out other than killing self. I don’t want to be here to see my furbabies get taken by to a shelter, not doing I want to give them up for adoption. They’re like my kids. I don’t want to hurt anyone, but tired of hanging on for what’s not going to get better.
5 comments
u said u havnt been eating for 5 days. it’s a good sign
you just have to stop taking any solid and liquid food altogether.
ur body will sit down within 7 days and you will be dead.
as for cats, they will take care of themselves, u need not worry.
7 days seems too early. Think that depends on person Last time I drank was a cup of tea without sugar, so guess that’s considered water…I don’t know if I can go without drinking something though. Wish I could fall asleep and not wake up. Have no food in house, no resources to get to a food bank either. Also tried ligature asphxiating but ended up with a painful neck and unable to sleep. Only felt pressure in head a little but not enough. If cats run out of food though would never forgive self ..don’t want them to be forced to eat me if I do end up dying
just plain stop eating or drinking any liquid thing , water tea juice etc all hav water
u should search vsed suicide . its the best way to go without any Gore. but it take a week or more
meanwhile during this time you can settle down the cats in other home , they might make you drink their pee and keep you alive , jk
also for ligature asphxiating it’s easy for skinny ones , if you have a thick neck you going to need drop hang method.
Thinking of low drop hanging. Heard you can still die by being on knees or sitting. Just cut off cartaroid arteries in neck.
Hey I feel everything your saying I’ve tried 22 times in 2 months I miss my cat more than everything I hate my fucking life so much I’m ready to try everything known to man I’m in so much pain i can’t do it anymore I beg to die I have nobody no more