Everything has lost point. I’m so tired of everything that I don’t even wanna hear about the reasons to live. I got raped and it fucked up every sense of who I was. Everything that I have built so far in my life got destroyed, along with my sense of self. My personality just faded. I feel like my brain is dying out and I’m becoming dumber and dumber as the time goes by. At first, it started as PTSD until I realized my mind has been taking me to every trauma I’ve gone through as a child until I totally disconnected from my past and everything I was. I feel like all of my life I was just struggling to become a person, without actually experiencing my true nature to its core.
I don’t even blame the guy anymore. I even loved him for some time. I bet he’s having fun somewhere out there.
Next week is the deadline I set up for myself. I’ve been waiting for this way too long. I’m gonna jump from 12th floor through the elevator shaft of a vacant building. In order to maximize lethality of my actions I’m gonna drink at least a cup of antifreeze beforehand. I hope I will make it.
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I got raped like 17 times. I was already planning to kill myself so it just makes me want to hurt and kill myself more instead of the thin thread of hope I had left
Now I sit alone in silence. Or I talk to myself. I don’t want anyone near. Sadly, there are people around. If I could live in middle of nowhere alone things could get better
You don’t want to drink antifreeze. That stuff tastes nasty
I was molested as a child, and raped as an adult. I feel similar to how you feel about a rape that happened to me several years ago. Nothing has been okay since then. I just feel detached, damaged, and worthless.