lonely

  October 23rd, 2017 by thotless

Let’s be frank here, guys. I’m incredibly lonely. So goddamn lonely it hurts to breathe sometimes.

I understand that I’m running the risk of sounding dismal here, but the fact of the matter is that’s what I am. I have only one good friend, and sometimes, just having him doesn’t cut it. He can make comments sometimes. They drive deep into me and stick there, infecting my insides with tar. I know he doesn’t mean for them to hurt, but they do. I can’t tell him that they hurt.

Sometimes that tar inside me glues me shut. It closes me up and makes me so heavy with hate for myself that I don’t know what to do with it besides cut it out with a razor blade. That doesn’t always work, and I’ve lost that option in the past few months.

But back to my point, I guess. I think my loneliness is self-inflicted (much like other things). I don’t think I’m a very good friend. I lie too much, I wallow in self pity (isn’t that obvious?),¬†and I don’t try hard enough.

I’m starting to slip back into my old ways. I don’t think I’m worth it anymore. I’ll try for six more months. I’ll try my hardest. If things don’t get better, well, you can find me six feet under.

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