no will

  October 20th, 2017 by venice

I have no will to live anymore, I basically see my life as an object. so easy to get rid of or to break. I cant tell my family because they see it as a weakness as a set back they always tell me just to be happy but how can I force happiness I cant just force a smile on my face, but lately that seems to be all I’m doing. I self harmed a month ago I cried that day because of it but does anyone know, nope well whoever reading this does now. I’m failing my classes because of anxiety, because all I cant think of is ‘are they watching me’ ‘they see I’m fat’ ‘I should not slouch’ ‘he’s watching me’ ‘why didn’t I wear a sweater today they might see the scars’  all these thoughts come in making me fear everyone making me think everyone is judging I cant wear anything to revealing like leggings tight shirts shorts skirts dresses without feeling judged, ugly or over weight. I ran out of class three times since school started because I feel like everyone is watching me or I just feel like I want to die out of nowhere.

I keep thinking about suicide I cant stop, I always imaging my death in a million ways but I finally decided the best way is sleeping pills.

my life is just one in 7 billion what will it matter I wont make an impact on the world I probably wont even make it to middle class.

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