I told myself to never ever post anything on here again but… These thoughts won’t go away.
So this time I’m gonna come clean about everything cuz I just can’t take it anymore.
I’m a 19 year old guy in a severe depression since I was 17 .
I’m kinda ashamed to tell my real story, but nobody listened to me but ppl here listen.
I was abused by my dad, sexually abused by my uncle when I was 12 .
My mom didn’t give a shit about me.
Let’s start with my uncle I was just a little boy who tryna live so one day my uncle told me to come to his room then he told me to read him some text massages from his phone, while I’m reading he basically started humping me for almost 10 bloody minutes and nobody were there to see, I was helpless and confused like how my uncle would do something like that, returned home didn’t tell anyone just crying with myself under my sheets.
My dad however he wasn’t much of motivation, roasted me all time like back when I was kinda 13 or 14 I was fat, one time he told me ” shut your mouth and your big boobs” I was like WTFFFFF, like how could he???!!!!!.
He always beat me up when I actually did nothing worth of beating he just hated me like I was a fuckin mistake in his opinion.
The funny thing is now I’m actually skinny as fuck just like a skeleton.
I only eat one meal a day in a late time of the night, and sometimes I don’t eat anything, I just keep losing my appetite and I don’t feel hungry at all.
Obviously I got bullied several times through my life in every way possible.
It’s nearly a year since I had friends, seriously I’m not joking at all.
I just keep remembering the past and not focusing on the future cuz I have no future, I don’t have any goals, nothing to live for, nobody to care for, nobody cares about me either.
I attempted suicide 4 times last one was just last week.
Sometimes I just want god to bless me with cancer, I know that sounds fucked up but it’s just what I need so I would be assure that I will die soon so I don’t have to attempt suicide again cuz it’s hard and scarey.
I couldn’t tell anyone about anything of my past or the present cuz I know they would laugh and make fun of me and I just can’t take a resk again.
Now I have anger issues something I didn’t wanted, I just need to die.
All I have now is a phone that allow me to share my story, that’s why my phone is the most precious thing I have now.