I woke up suicidal as usual the other day. To be honest I’ve only been living to die in a year and to support my family for emergencies. At some point that day and I will never forget it, I just wanted to live to help my siblings escape the shitty situation they’re in. I’m getting tested for BPD (Bisexual disorder, jk bipolar). This makes NO sense to me. How did my desire to live just come back like that? Now that it’s back my life is in shambles dude. Like, WTF!? I’m really upset about this because there is SOOO much I have to fix now, and most of it I’ll have to create. Worse part is that I’ve ostracized myself. I committed social suicide just so they could let me go easier. Why TF would life do this to me? Why not just let me go, or not send me over the brink at all. I don’t even know who to ask for help now, because I’d have to tell them EVERYTHING! I don’t even understand what happened though. Did I have a testosterone spike or something? I just had a shot for anthrax so if anything I figured I’d be feeling worse. Any advice guys? I could use Any help rn.