It is days like these when you realize that this facade you put on, creates this false belief not just for the outside world but for yourself as well. It deceives you just as much as it deceives the world.
Then when reality dawns on you each night when you are alone and in the comfort of your true self and tears, that the feeling never leaves you. That temporary laugh and glowing smile is sheer deception and the definition of pain and suffering.
It is days like these when you envy the dead. When you want them alive not so that you can enjoy life together again but to take their place as the once living and soon to be forgotten.
It is days like these when even the angels couldn’t convince you that this life is worth living. In my eyes every morning I get up, I see it not as a blessing but a curse. A life not worth living.
It is days like these when I question elements of perseverance and patience. Nothing good is going to come, stop waiting for things to change. Sometimes change isn’t constant.
It is days like these that leave me genuinely wounded. Wounded by the effects of the detachment from society. Not from the effects it has on me but the effects it has on my family. I am burden and then some but that doesn’t break the bonds of love.
and that is why;
During days like these I question the ideologies of love. Why love so hard even through pain and suffering. Why love so hard when the inevitable end of your love is loss.
Days like these happen to be my everyday type of days.