Doing it tonight

  November 24th, 2017 by Cause of Death: Suicide

It’s completely my call
But that is the one thing that brings me comfort that it is completely my call
Although it is not my preferred method it is a desperate method from complete stark barren desperation
Nothing good has ever happened in my life
There has been too much suffering
A home I should have never been born in
A family that was not ready for me nor deserved me……

I still want to die every day after ten years.
If it was easier then this would be less painful.
It is my call. And I think I’d rather kill myself then live the same day 10,000 times.
I told myself if I couldn’t escape my living conditions there would be no way I could continue to live.
The prospects I am offered show no chance of hope or change
The prospects I am offered would show nothing better than a 90 year old in a hospital on life support
The prospects I am offered show an 0-300$ a year paycheck
The prospects I took for myself were nearing unbearable but I could live with
The prospective life that I had as a beggar was stolen from me
I can no longer beg.

The only way I can beg to is god for mercy.


In other news, I have dabbled in witchcraft. Never doing any spells. Have done ouija. Have listened to the words and works of dead men. Have seen ghosts in my dreams. Have seen a little Japanese kid in my dream (I looked up meaning it said something very strange “signifies something about suicide.” Have done prayers to keep my house safe. Have spread the strongest protection salt around my home. Have had conversations on Salem witch trials. Have watched horror movies. Have researched on banshees.

And tonight I had the terrifying experience of being alone in a pitch dark deserted rural area and right when I go to grab my bottle of Svendka vodka (the very second I touch it,I hear a diabolical shriek that I immediately assume to be a witch) in the abandoned deserted pitch black area on the other side of my town. I scream bloody murder thinking some witch demon is chasing me. Then I think it is a banshee. Then I run a mile and hear the same INSANE shrieking.

I have a feeling no one no one has witnessed paranormal like this before. Scary part was was I was so far from home I thought this witch was going to suck out my soul and leave me wasted in the dark dark deserted backstreet of this road. I am not a strong runner. I ran as I could down the road. Trying not to be this demons’ supper. I finally made it home and this demon stopped shrieking but you would have to have been there to understand how terrifying. I asked the only one I have for help and like always she can only tell me “get home.” Whilst I am about to be murdered. I’ve never been more afraid, but another thing to scares me to bloody murder is stray feral dogs. I don’t even like house dogs.

I have no clue what is was.



Processing your request, Please wait....