here we go again… after making so much progress and learning so much about myself as an individual.. im somehow back again. im on a path of self destruction, and oh how good it feels to be able to destroy myself on my own terms.
im pretty damn sure im bipolar. Well over a year ago i was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, but things have been changing.. and well for the worse. i wouldn’t say im suicidal exactly, but im on this path of self destruction where i just dont give a fuck. im putting myself in dangerous situations and i think its funny because theres this chance that they could kill me, but they dont. i dont necessarily want to kill myself again quite yet, but if i were to die, i wouldnt object. its like tempting fate if you will. i like to tempt fate, and im just waiting for that one day, i dont get so *lucky* and i end up dead.
but until then, im just here, chilling, doing whatever the fuck i want because i dont care. im failing one of my classes in school, im drinking excessively, ive gone off my meds, im doing dumb shit i would have never even thought of doing before. im in this downward spiral again, fucking my life up as we know it, but the difference is, this time i dont care enough to stop it. im losing touch with reality and with my own self it makes me laugh, it does.
im crazy and i know it, but this time i might as well embrace it since it sure as hell isnt going away