I cant tell

I cant tell what is the truth and what isnt anymore
I cant tell if I really am the bad person I make myself out to be the one who doesnt know how to love or let people in or give good people what they deserve etc.
Or if Im the sweet girl that some claim me to be
but they dont know me very well either
I cant tell if Im crying because of the stress or if Im crying because I want to die
or both
Its driving me crazy, I cant figure it out and I cant trust anyone to tell me
I cant trust myself to tell me..
I want to die god I want to die
but Im scared to die
but Im scared to live
what do I do
help me