I fucking hate Christmas

November 29th, 2017by Cause of Death: Suicide

I don’t think I can hold out until Christmas
And I hope I fucking kill myself before then

I keep trying to find a reason to live
And trying to figure out if I can work things out

But I really can’t.

I do sports
But I have no transportation to participate in my sporting
This just in
I can’t get my license until February of 2019
I get to watch all the retarded faggots go out and do whatever they want while I’m trapped in a fucking cage with abusive psychopaths
(Just like my entire life before this happened)

I’ve already spent the last 14 months
Sitting around
Reading a bunch of boring shit
Talking to a bunch of boring freaks
Cleaning up after a bunch of retarded elders

And I’ve lost an enormous amount of weight and I’m pretty sure I’ve had cancer since 14 or 15 but I don’t tell anyone because I don’t want to deal with them or doctors. I always had a strong feeling I had leukemia.

I was completely ready to kill myself after the first 2 months and I have been 100% ready for the remainder 12 months.

I knew these freaks would ruin my life as they have since I was a child. I knew I should have killed myself as soon as I turned 18 and could legally purchase a shotgun. The freaks only get freakier.

I just need the strength to end my life.

Last Christmas I didn’t get out of my house before the retarded bastards came over and I was trapped in my bedroom no access to bathroom for around 8-10 hours. I had to pee in cups and turn up my TV to drown out these abusive bastards. After they left, I had to clean everything up. The dishes, the trash, the mud stain on the garage floor. And they were touching my things. They broke my cat toy, they ruined my boom box. I don’t fucking know what else but probably took some of my Christmas money. Doesn’t matter, but it makes me want to puke.

This Christmas if I’m alive (pray to god that I am not) I have to leave and sit in the snow about 4 miles away alone for 8 hours. Probably trying not to barf. Probably drinking til I’m numb.

The Christmas before was the same. I waited in my room til the god awful people left and then I went and ate dinner alone at the diner. Probably pulled off and slept in my car somewhere.

 

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