I guess things have changed.

Wow, it’s been a while since I last posted. I’m 17 now and I guess that things have changed for me. I now have more friends and closer ones at that than I did when I last posted, and I am definitely more confident in my sexuality than I once was. That said, I still go through periods of really wanting to kill myself. I still, as I said more than a year ago, hate myself. I hate the way my school year is going, and how I’m performing academically. My relationship with my parents, especially my mom is also shit, with her being an absolute ***** a lot of the time. I feel like my personality has changed too. I feel like I’m more outgoing, more sociable than I once was. I went to my first real high school party, had my first drink, a boyfriend, (no longer), etc… I thought these things would make me feel cool, but I really have just felt more empty on the inside. I got a lot of the things that I wanted, but none of them really made me happy. I wonder about the future a lot. Where will I be in the next year, the next 5 years, the next 10, etc. I sometimes see myself becoming a therapist or something in the mental health realm of work, but other times I just think to myself how nice it would be to just give up on life all together. I guess you could say I’m a little lost is all. Maybe some advice or perspective would be nice.