I’m afraid they’re going to fire me from work soon. My boss yells at me constantly, and I understand it if I do something wrong, but she also yells at ME when someone else does something wrong. It feels like she really hates me and takes it out on me. I think it’s unfair. I’m also a really nervous person so every time I’m about to go to work my stomach starts to hurt. I lost 11 pounds since I started working (since 2 months ago) and my stomach seems to be “upset”, I barely eat anything because it makes me sick. I’m scared I’m gonna get fired and I won’t be able to find a new job (I couldn’t find a job for almost 4 months). It’s also my first job and even though I’m gonna turn 21 soon, I don’t feel like an adult at all. It’s gonna sound pathetic but I still feel like a child but in an adult’s body. I feel out of place. I know I don’t deserve to be alive and I just wanna die. I don’t want to be scared anymore.
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I was fired 3.5 years ago. I’m 23 now. I have applied for 200 jobs and have not gotten a new job. I have also been raped about 30 times since holding a job.
I understand you very much
Start applying for jobs right now. That way, if you snag one, you can up and quit in the most dramatic fashion you can think of. Some workplaces are like that. Others aren’t as bad. You have to keep feeling around until you find a good fit for you. It’s easier when you’re just starting out.
I get this so much. I had a job for a month, it was stressful, made me anxious to the point I turned to self-harm to get through it, and eventually I quit. It wasn’t even that bad, I just couldn’t handle it. I definitely feel younger than my actual age, I’m not ready to take care of myself, yet I have to.
Since this is your first job, maybe you just need more time to adjust? Or perhaps a different job would do you some good? It sucks that your boss is making this harder for you.
Don’t stress yourself too much on a single job, I know its hard to look for a new one but is it really worth your self loathing? I agree at what rivets said you should really start looking for a job now, who knows your next job might be the opposite of your present?