One of my first memories .. it’s hilarious

  November 25th, 2017 by Cause of Death: Suicide

I must have been about 3 or 4

I remember my dad took me with him somewhere to a drug deal where he was carrying with him a big clutch to carry home the drug in. He was on the phone in the middle of the night all night trying to make this deal. My mom is laying in their room dying for a fix fighting back and forth at my dad to get the deal but she cant go and she can’t watch me. As she would go in her room every night most nights and snort a few lines. Then fall asleep. She would go INSANE after work if she didn’t get her fix. Then she would fix away the whole weekend. I watched her do it at least once. She has this little mirror and I walk in and there are lines of pills on her mirror. Or maybe I am watching from the crib. I am running around where he is talking on phone playing with my box of crayons, I follow behind him into this place and he holds the door open for me. He places me on this bucket seat near the back of the place and I sit there on the bucket seat (one of those crates with holes in it) for what seems to be 30 minutes to an hour. I get up, walk in a circle, stretch, apparently I poop. He gets PISSED at me after because I pooped my pants and I only had to hold it for the time he was in the back . Then I got it on the car seat or all over my pants. He says this would be easier if I didn’t have to deal with you which is literally what he just said to me tonight so…. haha hilarious 20 years later he still says the SAME stupid shit, word for word. He’s always saying bitchy shit like that.


This is before I can talk,

I have broken memories.


Anyway, another thing pointing me to this memory is a dream I had recently. I went to the gas station he would always go to. My friends were waiting for me to get the drugs. They take me to a room above the store and they are trying to sell me  alcohol.


Anyway, I have this other memory where I am very young and in a lawyers office with my mother. She is saying “THIS IS MY DAUGHTER!!!” I have to sign a form saying if my mommy can still be my mommy I am too young to write they tell me to do a thumb print. i have no idea what the blanks of that memory are I believe she gave me a bottle of cough syrup after the meeting so I wouldn’t remember much.Yeah I definitely remember the cough syrup though. Don’t know if it was anything other than cough syrup but I remember she drugged me that one time. Picking me up from some house in bum fuck nowhere and taking me to fucking attorney office




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