I can’t deal with all this anymore. Always feeling too hot, all this anxiety, all the painful memories and feelings, my severe lack of motivation everything that bothers me, stuff that is even too hard to understand and explain; I would be dead right now if suicide didn’t hurt while doing it. I feel like everything is just going to continue to get worse, which is why I hope to never wake up again. EVER. I also can’t STAND the person I am.
if you want to know more, I suggest reading some of my other posts.
5 comments
psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201707/research-suggests-cure-neuroticism
I don’t have a lot to say, except that I agree with you. I would’ve been dead years ago if suicide was an easy thing to do.
My life today still isn’t that much better than it was in the past. Everything has been a struggle, just to get to the same level that most people are already at. I’m trying to go further but it’s difficult and I’m already in my mid-40s.
I figure by the time I am successful I might be pushing 50, so all of it would be pointless because I prefer to date younger girls, 20s-30s. And yes money does attract pretty women but I want them to be into me as well. Fortunately I look fairly young for my age (30ish) so that works in my favor and I intend to get back in shape.
I wish it was possible to go back in time and cut people’s balls off so they never reproduce-my idiot parents should’ve been sterilized. Fkg losers having kids who waste their lives in suffering and misery.
All I’ve ever experienced is want, not jealousy or envy, just wanting what most normal people have. I’ve never had a real vacation or some other great things that people experience in life. I’ve just watched from the outside, seeing other people have fun and I get poverty, loneliness, hating others and myself.
Anger over not being beautiful or privileged and that’s just scratching the surface. I think of all the hardships I had to endure, and in the end it amounted to nothing…I even get derision from my so-called friends.
When they were poor like me they were more humble but since they became successful they also became obnoxious, as if I chose to be this way….even though they knew of all my struggles, trying to get higher paying jobs and failing, they still choose to kick you when you’re down.
One reason I’m still around is that I know I have the skills to make more money than them and it’s just something I want to prove before I leave this planet. I just want to get financially well off and rub it in a bunch of people’s faces that deserve it, live the life I always wanted and then I can die in peace knowing I’ve done what I set out to do.
Turned out I had more to say than I thought I did initially. lol
I’m 33 pushing 34, and I can relate to what you wrote. I feel like I missed out on dating when I was younger due to my issues. And now I feel like I’ve fallen behind. But I like your attitude.
@muspelhem
Thanks, you’re still at a very good age to turn things around. This would be the time for you to hustle. What I am doing today is what I should’ve done in my 30s and if I played my cards right-I’d be wealthy by early 40s.
Same here, while I dated a handful of girls when I was younger, it was barely scratching the surface of what I really could’ve done if I wasn’t depressed/poor and dealing with other problems in my life.
At the same time though, dating leads to sex and sometimes to kids. I think that’s what happened in my parents case and I didn’t want to repeat their mistakes. Plus once you have kids your own life/fun is over because you’re looking after them 24/7, it’s a hassle and I would not have gone further in life. And you have no freedom, stuck with the same person and a shitty job. Some people are able to change that but it’s not easy.
The time to really date is 20s-40s after you’ve done your university education and have a great source of income if you’re not rich by then. Then you pick better partners and you’re not struggling paycheck to paycheck like many people are today. So while I missed out, I’m glad I didn’t get tied down either, it’s another kind of slavery.
Though my friends are doing better, they are slaves to their jobs, wives and kids (the ones who have them). Meanwhile I have no such burdens aside from paying my bills. I’m just hoping my plan works out….I sacrificed and worked very hard to get here, so if I get to my next level, I’ll finally be happy with my life…assuming I don’t fk it up.
So in your case, I’d advise learning from the past and doing whatever you need to do to get to the place you want to be. I figure since I’m not going to die tomorrow and because I don’t want to keep scraping by in life, then I should do what it takes to living a good life/one that I want. Best of luck my friend.