i’ll keep it simple.
before you know something, it doesn’t cross your mind. you don’t think to pay attention, because in your naivety there’s nothing to pay attention to.
the first moment i met you i had no idea. we exchanged a couple words, i’d exchanged a couple words with many that day. the sight of you meant nothing to me, the sound of your voice meant nothing to me, you meant nothing to me.
a week went by and i began to notice more. in the back of my mind i wouldn’t admit it to myself because i knew i dreamt of the impossible.
you were happy. you didn’t need me.
i reached out. i leaned over the edge of a cliff and grasped at air, at nothing.
i began to overhear. i would eavesdrop, i would listen, i would wait to hear your name. farther and farther i went.
i knew exactly what i was doing. quietly, slowly, secretly, i allowed myself to grow enthralled with you—i slipped—i trustfell down a chasm, down a canyon, and i let it happen.
you didn’t notice, you never noticed. every word i said to you—i could feel my heart beneath my skin, praying you couldn’t too. holding a conversation was equivalent to holding the weight of the world—the mere fact that your eyes were on me added the solar system—one day i would have the universe on my shoulders rather than in my hands, and it terrified me.
i can’t imagine what goes through your head when you look at me—nothing i bet, because how could you understand i felt the way i do if you never knew? you couldn’t. i don’t know what to do, i don’t know what to think.
there’s nothing simple about it—how do you casually tell someone who barely knows you exist that you wish you knew them inside and out?
3 comments
I understand how you feel. But no one pays attenttion to me to even say a word to me so you have something going for you at least. 😉
Hmm… For me, simple compliments usually were a good way of starting to break the ice, like telling I liked what they said about something, that I liked their ideas about a topic, that something I saw them doing was nice, or that hey had a nice taste for music, etc. Or if it is someone who I already managed to have some conversations with, I would tell that it is nice talking to them etc. Things like this help with the approximation, and once you’re closer it’s easier to see if the person feels or could feel the same for you.
Oh, boy… Now that I’ve read your last post, I can understand pretty well your words here. I felt the same way in the begining… “quietly, slowly, secretly, i allowed myself to grow enthralled with you—i slipped—i trustfell down a chasm, down a canyon, and i let it happen.”
Whatever happens, just don’t let the sun blind your eyes to the point that you can’t see the stars.