Like most of us, I go sleep every night hoping not wake up in the morning. Sometimes I make a silent prayer that God will have mercy on me and take my life overnight. Some nights, I have no faith in God to do this so I take “control” of it instead. I relax my body by taking slow deep breaths. I focus my mind so that I’m aware of nothing except my body. I then pinpoint my mind to focus on my heartbeat. I try to feel and hear my heartbeat. Once I have it, I slow my breathing down even more. I then focus on my heartbeat to try to slow down the beats, someday it works but it only results on me falling asleep. This technique is quite laughable actually, as I’ve yet to make it stop beating forever.
Wish I could die in my sleep tonight. It would make it easier for everyone. I could selfishly get what I want which is a hassle free and pain-free death. My relatives wouldn’t have to deal with suicide. Like most people, they would actually be grateful that I went in my sleep. I know death is always saddening, however suicide is considered much, much, much worse. I can’t wait to die. It would stop the throbbing pain in my head and the empty void in my heart that sucks in any positive feeling and release only negative feelings.
Just found this in my drafts written on the 12th September. Not sure why I didn’t post it then. Must have fell asleep in the middle of it. But I’m posting it now anyway.
6 comments
This is actually really sad. If only it was that easy..
“Mindfulness Liberation.”
You’re sitting on a million dollar self help idea.
As soon as you perfect it, I’m buying the book.
Help me write it.
I’ll happily evenly split the million dollars with you. 🙂
I’ve been considering lately if I should go through all the trouble of faking an accidental death or not. I have some ideas that would probably work, but they are so troublesome.
The only reason I’ve been considering this is to make my death less painful to my mother, she’s suffered so much in life already, I feel so bad for taking the rest of joy that is left for her…
I think your idea that a peaceful death would be better for those who love you is misguided. I understand, but I think it says more about ones self esteem than anything else.
They love YOU it would hurt them bc they would miss YOU. Sure if you commit suicide they also have the additional pain of knowing you were suffering.
Your death would be painful to them in whatever way it happened.
You’re completely right about the self esteem.
I come from a religious background. Suicide is the worst.