If I don’t find love by the time I’m 30… I think that’s going to be enough to push me over the edge, the idea of living my life alone, not ever experiencing love where my other half doesn’t abuse me or neglect my feelings…
Heh… right now I can feel myself going mental over the idea… ? ?
I don’t want to die alone… not in this way, anyway…
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To understand that I’ll never find love… I’m a mess in more ways than one…
I have no personality, no sense of identity… depressed… I have nothing to offer and wasted all of my childhood being too afraid to leave my bed at one point I had to be given heavy anti-psychotics and put into a inpatients unit for 6 weeks..
I have very little to offer… too shy… I have been diagnosed with selective mutism as a child… roughly 11 years old as I mentally and physically strained to speak in certain situations, still here today as nobody could help me with it.. I don’t blame them, it’s often gone unheard of… my depression is higher priority………
So who would ever want a person who can’t speak, can only squeak… I have spent the majority of school without friends as I couldn’t talk… heh, even at college I cannot socialise…
I stink, I can’t take care of myself, I personally sabotage myself, and so far every relationship I’ve been taken granted of… by trusted friends too…
This sounds like a sob-story I know… don’t think I don’t know… heck, I’d beat myself up if I weren’t scared of blood.. lash out at myself right now……
I’m pathetic….
Heh… I bet… I bet I will still be single throughout my 20s……… all of my friends will grow up, find love, move out… quite a handful of them have partners…
Heh… writing this makes me feel like crap………
Sorry…
I’m 26 moving on to 27 and still to this day I never had a girlfriend top it off im in serious debt because of my family and I’m hated by them for no reason since I’m broke and can’t provide for anyone atm besides myself. I’m already at the edge made few attempts recently so basically I just don’t see 30 happening for me but I hope your way follows differently man. God bless. It’s not only just loneliness it’s also I don’t want my siblings and nephews to carry my coffin if I died of age because I never had kids to carry mine like I did for my father when he passed.
Oh f***…. another good reason to die…. having kids of my own would probably never become a reality… I’ll be that one Uncle nobody wants to be around. My old Uncle Johnny never had much company after drugging himself with various opiates. He’s alright, but his drug-induced schizophrenia gets in the way. My twin sister is likely to not want her kids around me, especially if nothing sorts itself out soon, but how can life sort itself out if I’m not motivated enough to make those changes…? Guess my bed is comfortable, anyway..
I know how you both feel. I’m 30 and never had a girlfriend, due to my social anxiety. I have come to terms that will never be in a relationship so I simply stop caring and just going to kill myself for that reason and others.
You just described me
The problem is not just about finding someone to date or someone who would love us. If you don’t love back, you’re going to feel lonely nevertheless, and we can’t just choose to live, we have no control over it. Reciprocal love in a relationship is so hard to get! It’s a lottery!
“choose to love”, not “choose to live”
(I hate not being able to edit a comment or not being able to delete it to post it back with the correction)