hello. haven’t been here for months.
i’m 14. i have very low self esteem. firstly i’m quite insecure of my physical appearance. i’m short and chubby. i’m not overweight, my BMI is 22.4, which is within the healthy range. i did tried to lose weight and stuff and am still doing so. but i really just tend to compare myself with others my age. i even broke down a few times just because i was scrolling through instagram and saw people my age (even my friends) being skinny and looking good in what they wear. i feel that i don’t rock any outfit because i’m fat.
this is also one of the reasons why i rarely go out with my friends, and i feel that it led to my social anxiety.
i used to be perfectly okay with who i was, now i really hate myself so much and all that happened in 2 years.
but i’m been trying, i tried losing weight, going out with my friends more. trying to not give excuses everytime a friend asks me to go out. that’s what i’ve been doing and in the end i always end up being afraid and going back to square one again. however, i feel that for once, i am doing better than before in trying. after so many times of going back to square one i feel that i’m slowly starting to feel better.
however, my physical appearance is not the only thing i feel inferior about. i don’t have any talents. i can’t do anything related to sports. i like dancing but i’m not good at it. can’t do art. can’t sing. just can’t seem to have something i’m good at. yet kids my age, my closest friends in school.. they are athletic, they can dance, sing, even do crafts well. everyone seems to have something that they can be proud of. really feel like an idiot.
but don’t worry, i’ve been trying and i also broke down many times. this time too, i’ve been holding on for a little longer. i haven’t broke down. i haven’t broke down and gave up and shut myself from the world. but i feel like i’m going to. this is why i’m here, writing this. this is because i feel that none of the people around me would understand how i feel, especially my friends. honestly, there really isn’t someone who i can really talk to, it’s devastating. i just feel so… isolated? i feel like i’m the 2nd choice friend because i can’t do any shit for real. but it’s okay, i’m trying.
the only reason i’m holding on is because i’m thinking ‘hey dumb, since you were born more untalented than others then just try harder’. i’ve been trying out different things like art and dance and stuff on my own just so i can work hard and be proud of something. i really hope i will soon.
sorry i think i sound like an ass. ofcourse nothing comes easy and my friends probably worked hard to come to where they are today. but i just can’t seem to think that way, yeah?? i don’t know. i get really jealous of my friends sometimes. it’s so horrible to do that. i support what they do but i feel like shit inside. i don’t even want to be better i just want to be good enough. like you know, at least fit in? my friends have gotten their glo-ups and shit and here i am still looking like a rotten nerd.
do you think it’s possible to even go through this? do you even think one day i will fit in?
i hope i don’t break down soon
16 comments
22.4 is really the best BMI you could have. I’m sure you look completely healthy.
Other kids your age probably haven’t matured yet….
When I was 14 me and my “friends” played happywheels and other online games and shit. I didn’t even start thinking about doing something productive until I was 15, and I failed at that.. You shouldnt feel that inferior to your friends. At this age kids are figuring out what they like to do and most of them will eventually drop and move on to something else. I mean 14 years olds are immature as hell. btw if you want to pick a hobby I would suggest starting now since you most likely have a lot of time on your hands and dont have to worry about working a job, going to college, etc.
thankyou. i guess just like what you said, i’m also like my friends, trying to find something i like to do and do well in it.
Hey! Your BMI sounds pretty healthy to me. It’s hard when social media makes you feel like shit because everybody else seem to be more beautiful, skinny and sucessfull than you. It sucks, but you need to understand 99% of that is fake, and people only display their happy moments, they don’t post about their struggles and mental health. I can’t say that it gets better, because I am still a wreck. But you are really young, and I hope you can love yourself the way you are and stop caring about others. I guess you didn’t find your talent yet, there is a spark inside of you, and you just gotta try a bunch of other things to see which activity you succed the most. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself, you have a beautiful life ahead of you! 🙂
thankyou. i’m still trying to try out different things. i know i still have a long way in life so i should stop being afraid
It’s super hard being young, especially in this culture. You, however, seem to be incredibly insightful with a healthy helping of sensitivity. There’s talent right there! Self-image these days is so sucky – I don’t know how else to put it and I’m 60, suffering from massive medical damage because I fell for all the bullshit of how we women are supposed to look. If I knew then, what I know now. I know friends are important (I’ve never really had any except as my being a people pleaser – always giving away my good chi – leaving little to nothing left for me). Had I to do it over, I’d have focused more on academics and anything physical/nutritional, went at my own pace. Proper nutrition has been high jacked by so-called experts and we’ve been duped repeatedly. Yea, your BMI isn’t outrageous. You’re really bright. Maybe allow yourself some self-care, self-exploration. Rather than channeling to what others are doing, hold the space to figure you out. It’s a little easier when we can quiet the peripheral noise. And if you think you’re missing something because of boys – NOT. Your time will come if you allow yourself opportunity to continue to mature, physically, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually. Stay away from magazines – what a shitstorm of everything altered, airbrushed, decorated, painted, cropped and materialistic. Once we are okay keeping company with ourselves, somehow life is easier and doors open for like-minded people.
thankyou 🙂
If you actually have friends, you’re doing a lot better than I was at 14. I pretty much never went anywhere at that age. It was just school or my room, or occasionally I went to the grocery store with my mother.
I don’t have a crystal ball, but, yes, I think there’s a decent possibility you’ll get through all this.
thankyou 🙂
Oh I was gonna tell you, they’re on social media for a reason. They are models. People don’t look like that in real life. They pay tremoundous amounts of money for makeovers, designer clothes, etc. I guess I call them show-offs but they sit there and edit their photos take a million pictures and then only pick the best photos. Kind of annoying but you don’t have to look you know? Like not your circus not your problem
You should be proud of who you are. You don’t have to pride yourself only on your appearance. But you don’t have to be self-conscious. I bet you’re good at a lot of things. If someone has a problem with the way you look talk act that is their problem, not yours.
thankyou 🙂
Looks fade and looks change. You will not look like 14 year old you for long.
You have a good head on your shoulders- more than most normies can say. Dont worry about others. Find your bliss. You have talent, you just have to unveil it. Keep searching… try archery, not sure why that came to mind, but give yourself a chance
i hope so. archery seems fun too. maybe i’ll try it, thankyou 🙂
thankyou everyone who commented, there was really no where else to express my thoughts. thankyou for listening to me as well as encouraging me. i’m slowly building my self confidence and trying out new things. i’ve been more positive too. thankyou everyone. i promise i won’t give up so easily 🙂