Today was a rough day. We have holidays, so my brother, my mother and I are home. My dad works. In the morning our cousin came over and we decided to play Activity. My brother can be dumb sometimes, and we made fun of him, but not in a mean way, he was laughing with us. So it was my turn to guess, and I didn’t get the answer right so he went behind my back while saying: “Who’s dumb now?” or something like that, he probably meant all this in a joke, but when he got behind my back he started fake struggling me, but he tightened too much and I started to choke. Like, really choke. In the second he grabbed me I couldn’t breathe. Everyone (and by that I mean my cousin and mom) was just staring. When he finally let me go, I started to gasp and squeal because I didn’t have oxygen. Meanwhile, my brother just said: “She’s faking it.”. And that’s it. After some time, my mom guessed I’m not faking, and obeyed my brother to apologize. And that’s it. She didn’t run to me or anything. So I stood up and hit my brother. I slapped his head. And you won’t believe what happened! My mother started screaming that how I dare to hit her son, if I’m crazy, what’s wrong with me… she even started to hit me so I pushed her away and stormed into my room. I was speechless. I always thought she loved him more than me, but I didn’t have any solid proof. And now I have it. I have all the proof I needed…
So when I came into my room I started to search for anything sharp. I seriously wanted to kill myself. I’ve struggled this past week with everything: I don’t know what I want to do in my life, I don’t know where to go to college, I’m in the second year of high school so I should probably get an idea… and I’m not that smart as everyone thought I was, as I thought I was… I’m in TOP3 difficult school in my country, but I don’t feel smart as I felt in the elementary school… So death was my escape, is my escape… I’m kind of in a dark place now and I don’t know what to do… I feel sad, angry, dumb, really fucking angry, neglected… and mostly tired…
I actually wanted to be a writer, but my teacher insists on her thinking, that I’m not good enough for anything… She gave me a C on a free essay – 3 mistakes, original story, and I did everything that was in my power and I think I wrote the best story of my lifetime… but she gave me a C, because it’s too much Americanized… meanwhile my schoolmate wrote a story that’s the same as the movie The others, but he got an A, and he could read in front of the whole class… he had more mistakes than me… I mean, if this isn’t a dream killer I don’t know what it is… I mean, come ooonnn!!! If I couldn’t get her on my side with a story with no rules, I don’t know what I’m gonna do…
I really don’t know what to do anymore… please, help. I’m open to any idea or consult now… thank you.
1 comment
Don’t take the teachers grade as the absolute level of your writing skills.. just putting that out there. Some people did rubbish in school and got great acclaim later.
Your brother shouldve known better, and at the least offered an apology on his own. I’d have reacted the same way, right or wrong.
You don’t have to have your college picked out yet. Just do your best on your studying so when it comes to it you have options for the course you want. Even if you aren’t in the top there will still be some things you can pick. Drift towards anything you have interest in.