Blown away….

December 7th, 2017by Urm8451n

Hey, good morning.

Today I sat in the Uni’s “shrink” ‘s office. Spoke to him for about 40 minutes of how bad things are going….

I really believed I could have made it, I really wanted to get so better, but it is just didn’t happen.

I find it quite depressing. As for each time I fail, I have to cope with it and go through all of the stages of mourning.

I have let myself down this month, my body helped alot in this crysis to. My abdominal pain is greater, and each day I feel more and more weak – like I’m shutting down.

I talk to myself more and more loud and ofter, almost speaking out loud full conversations. I lost it, my sanity is slowly draining away.

I don’t feel suicidal.. No. I don’t have wishes to day – No.
I don’t feel bad, NO. IM JUST FEELING LIKE IM DYING.

Slowly dying.

The shrink told me “you are going too harsh on yourself”.
Well, I don’t care. I want to succeed. Success isn’t something that owned by lucky people. It is owned through hard work.

I have alot of my back, really. I’m breaking each fucking day. EACH NIGHT. EACH MORNING.

But even tho the burden is so great, I feel greater. Even when I’m breaking, I feel like I’m re – born.

I’m glad I have you guys. It is quite funny ,but knowing I told someone I need help, is really making me feel better.
I ofcours don’t tell my mother about it, or any friends, because I don’t want them to think they need to act any different to me .

I should close this and post it already. stop ranting and start doing.
Wish you all well, be brave , stay strong, yours, Jac.

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