It would be so nice to just lay down, close my eyes, and never wake up in this realm again.
Then to wake up again in a spiritual form, floating among the stars and planets like a shooting star, streaking across a deep purple night sky.
Sometimes I think I am in a spiritual prison, that I did something somewhere on some level, and I am paying for it now. Then I say, “how much suffering, how long a sentence, for what I have done in another world?”
It must have been pretty bad what I did in that other world. I ask for forgiveness all the time. I live a decent life, not hurting anyone, being helpful and kind, working hard to try to pay my debt.
But every moment of my being I am separated by a glass wall from the rest of the world. When I try to reach out, my hands hit the glass and I can touch no one.
I want to touch, feel and love again. Why don’t I merit the warmth of open arms, friendship, kindness, love?
But happiness and love never come. Love, especially love, is an elusive notion. And I am so weary of the chase. My body, my soul are so worn out. I don’t want to try to capture peace, acceptance, happiness, or love anymore. I am tired.
My hope every night is to lay my head on my pillow and to drift off to an eternal rest. I want to fly with the other kindred spirits. I want to dance on clouds. I want to go beyond this physical and emotional pain. I want off this planet, out of this realm. I beg that I pay my spiritual debt soon.
I pray for eternal sleep.
3 comments
I hear ya. Hope you find peace.
Going to sleep and never waking up again, this sound soooo comforting
Right on – I am hearing you. I too wonder what I have done in my past life, I too beg to be forgiven, and I’ve come to the conclusion no one is listening. I hope you find peace in this world and then someday in the next.