I was raised by my grandmother who is a truly devoted Christian and I don’t have a problem with that, because everyone can believe whatever it is they want. And I used to be almost like her, I’d go to church sometimes even three times a week, I’d pray two times a day and I’d always made sure to be a good person (I know I wasn’t an angel but I tried not to do or think about bad things). I used to think very fondly of God and I really loved him as a child. Everytime something good happened to me I was very grateful to Him and I believed that he’s always watching over me and protecting me. But as I was growing up many bad things started happening to me, some of them were really cruel especially to a kid. I was abused both physically and emotionally by the people I loved and respected (by my parents – mostly, by my aunt, by the people I thought were my friends and by some of my teachers) to such extent that from a really cheerful and friendly child I’ve become a really unhappy and isolated person. It was as if I had “Please, treat me like the garbage I am” written all over my forehead. I know God wasn’t responsible for the abuse I was going through. But I was suffering so much and I was becoming more and more lonely and miserable as I was withdrawing from people and I feel like if God really did love me at least a little he would stop the abuse, send me a friend or someone who could help me deal with it or put a stop to my suffering (yes, I’m talking about death) and he did nothing. He left a little, scared girl in the darkness all by herself, a girl who didn’t do anything wrong to deserve the things that were happening to her. And you can say whatever you want I may deserve the abuse now, but that little girl (who I am not anymore) didn’t deserve it. And through my life I realized that God must either really hate me or he doesn’t exist. I believe that he doesn’t exist and not because I don’t want to think he hates me, but there are so many good people out there who are going through hell and there are even more scumbags who live like kings and God wouldn’t allow this.
Sorry for the rumbling but I had to let my thoughts out.
5 comments
Depressing comment alert from a non-friend of “god.”
Is it that “god wouldn’t allow this”, or “the god I was told cared really doesnt”? If you believe the bible is the “word of god”, recall the myriad stories of this caring, loving god wreaking havoc on us, his faves. I believe he decided all the NEWBORN infants in Egypt would die after receiving zero cooperation from Pharoah, and if you’re into the old testament, he decided all life needed to die, so he drowned everyone, save a boatful of animals and Noah. What a god. What a kind, considerate, caring loving god, right? Who harms a child? God does, and does it willingly, because as is evidenced by everyday life, we suffer because we are alive, and there is noone standing guard. A typical argument says god is not responsible for evil, yet gods biblical track record is one of death, destruction and pain, by his choice, often demanding that humans kill other humans for his glory and satisfaction. This god with such a lack of character and integrity, who demands we bow and subjugate ourselves, lest his almighty frail ego be damaged. This is the god spoken of by the bible. A vengeful, angry lightning-bolt-hurling god. Fortunately, after centuries of this, someone decided to give him a facelift, and thus, the God of the new testament, hanging on a cross so you will be able to play harps on streets paved with gold in everlasting sunshine. Yet, still a god who will kill his own son.
How does one reconcile a belief system that incorporates a god who changes his mind mid-stream to become a kinder, gentler god? Where is the logic? An illogical concept fine tuned by a species desperately in need of a father figure is “god.”
The mistake I (we) made was believing god cares. It’s pretty obvious there is not a kind, caring deity watching over us. We were lied to, and fell for it hook, line and sinker.
Would it be better or worse to learn that there is no spiteful god arbitrarily torturing people, and instead, it’s the apathy and indifference of other people that creates a majority of these problems?
God, forever in human history, is just a figurehead for man. It’s a mask. The temple was empty, and the bitter water was made from dust. It helps keep the rabble from lighting their torches and marching on the palace.
Religion is maybe the best illustration of an interesting aspect of human kind: We owe our success as a specifies mostly to our gregariousness, our nature to form bonds and work for common goals. This social aspect is thought to be a large driver of our intelligence. Intelligence is the ability to gather accurate information about the world. However evolution does not favor genes that increase intelligence, it favors genes that increase survivability and thus gene propogation.
Under this understanding, religion may be a genuine good for human beings while being simultaneously incorrect in its literal interpretation of reality.
My personal belief is that religion is a sort of attempt at a comprehensive explanation of the common human experience of spirituality. (some vague connection with things beyond yourself or a larger purpose/reality you can’t normally see or understand) and so off course this will, according to human nature, be used for for the personal gain of individuals and their peers as they organize under this common factor.
i’ve never been able to humor the idea of any religion being valid in its understanding of the nature of reality; however ive always envied pious people because truthfully they are usually better off in my experiences if for nothing more than they have a guiding light to turn to always and rest all their worries and passions upon.
Besides that it causes people to unify among mostly positive attitudes.
There’s good and bad and it’s not anyone’s place to judge internal experience of another but it’s also important we move toward understanding why the rock rolled down the hill and why the man was meant to be smashed. because i think this ultimately leads to less human suffering. or it has the potential to at least, except it has just one crux which is that it has no guiding light like the pious ha!
Religion itself as a human universal has been around for aeons longer than the organized religions of the world. I always thought of it as a way of rationalizing emotions. You can’t compartmentalize emotion any more than you can compartmentalize intellect. The two things are mutually intertwined, and a recognition of that can form the foundation for religious experience. You can understand the genetic and chemical processes involved in the experience, and still say you found Jesus by looking at a frozen waterfall (Francis Collins). That same impulse can lead people to ignore rampant crimes in those they consider leaders of their faith communities. Because it becomes a mask to hide behind. It can be used to justify egregious offenses to human dignity, war, enshrining a punitive component to poverty, and all the materialism that religious texts disparage. The experience itself is a universal, and ubiquitous throughout human culture. It even affects atheists. That aspect is absolutely natural and fundamentally human.
Coming from a religious family, that mask they wear is often not the reality. It’s a shiny facade to conceal the decay beneath it. It’s also a net to trap the pieces that might otherwise crumble away. Jesus even said as much in the gospels. He was an odd duck.
*not why the man was crushed