Im at my breaking point

Hello adventurer,

Take a second and just breathe. The present is infinite until you ACTUALLY die so you have much time to recover. Despite what disturbing perception you may be having, its actually quite normal for depression. You are not alone. I know that sounds awfully cliche, but its true. Your environment may not be sustaining and nourishing you properly unfortunately as well. You may be lonely, in an occupation you dislike, in grief… Maybe you aren’t. Maybe you wake up to a relative “good” life from other peoples’ viewpoints, but yet still feel miserable and want to leave the world behind. The good in your life clearly is being outweighed by the bad in some way.

Fortunately, I have news. Just news. Not good news, not bad news. I’m sure you must get sick of “positivity” and motivational bullshit anyway, and you definitely don’t need more bad news to go along with how you’re feeling.

The truth is, what you’re feeling is hard. I do truly think that everyone has their own way of experiencing depression, which is why it can be difficult for me to believe that the professionals you may (or may not) have gotten help from, will understand you. This is more because each professional, underneath those lovely exteriors, is just a person like you or I. They were raised individually with their own experiences of how certain feelings were felt for them and why they felt them, so its very viable to conclude that their perception of things that are obviously bad to you go right over their heads, simply because they’ve never experienced them.

You are a human, on Earth, clearly suffering. Dumb it down for yourself. Who are you? Make it real simple. You may be Chris, living in Idaho. You may be Sara, Germany. Take away the unnecessary expectations and details you may be setting for yourself without you truly realizing it.

Call someone, and don’t hide what you’re feeling. I bet you already hid what was on your mind before you got depressed anyway. Depression is a learning experience, and medications can only take away so many symptoms before you realize something in your life may feel empty. Is that emptiness from a perceived “failure”? Did you not live up to your own expectations? Is your life not where you thought it would be at this age? Maybe is simply is just chemical and the meds will cheer you right up (or therapy, as it is just as beneficial). Admit there is a problem and that YOU, repeat this next line: Are worthy of feeling better. Give yourself a pat on the back, you posted online because you decided to ask for support instead of doing something lethal to yourself (or maybe others too).

Do yourself a favour and download a meditation app. Feeling good takes work, which is why so many people are depressed now. We become ignorant of our own ignorance, eating foods and such that actually are contributing to your ability to lift the depression. Things will get better, waves churn in and out, depression will come and go occasionally for its own reasons but you owe it to yourself to stay around to figure out what they are.

Go research free services in your area, and go to one. Set yourself that goal, if everything else in your day sucks, make sure thats the one thing you do. You may have forgotten what it feels like to not be depressed, but I promise, it is worth the effort. If you were in a forest outside a village hunting and injure your leg badly, you have the two choices. Stay and die (which I’m sure might seem like a great idea for you right now), or struggle and get back to the village to heal up to resume your life. There is a life for you out there.

I love you 🙂 Even if you may be in a situation where you think no one else does or don’t very appreciated for how hard you are fighting. You truly have to reread these words for them to work and believe them. They are being typed by a real person who would drive you to every appointment and take care of you if he could.

Also, my final advice from my own major depression episodes. Don’t identify as your thoughts. You are not your thoughts, and you are not DEPRESSION. You are a human inflicted WITH depression. Hang in there.