I decide to wrote letter to my old best friend. It is not exactly beg to have her back, but to let her know that I am in better place and do better. I want her to be happy and don’t have to worry about me anymore.
I am still worry though… I promised to myself long ago, that if she is complete gone from my life, then I will kill myself no matter what. It is horrible promise to make but…I find myself consider it? I want her to be happy if she choose to live without me in it and kill myself. Can I do that? I don’t know…
Help me please.
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It wasn’t a reasonable promise, and it was one made under duress. I release you from that promise to yourself.
There are billions of people in the world. No one will replace her in your heart, but there is still room for love there, don’t you think?
That might be true… It is hard to find that kind of friendship. Someone that show lot of love and care in return.
I understand that some of my posts seem to be childish or have a simple answer to, but in my place it is not that simple.
I am deaf. I have hard time with social sometimes due to communicate barrier. I have been avoid touch that subject because I DO NOT need pity about me be deaf.
In this case, chance to find people or friendship like her is hard. So I had to learn to enjoy every little thing that people around me can gives, yet I still feel emptiness in my heart.
Is there an online community? Assuming you sign, it makes communicating via Skype so much easier than in the days of the TTD. In no way did I ever feel you were childish. I hope I didn’t give you the impression I thought you were ?
I’ll check in later this evening. I have a basement to empty. . . .
Oh no, you didn’t give me that impression! It is just I notice there were not a lot of comments or respond to my posts past this month. Also I was told by my family that me grieving over lost friendships are silly and childish. So, it is not direct to you. I apologize for be careless with my english!
Yes I can sign. For online community part, eh, mm… Last time I did make an account in one of websites and somehow it becomes online dating which is not what I want. Maybe I give up on that too soon. At that time, I thought my one or two friends are good enough but it is not true. You always need more. I also do have deaf community roughly one hour away from my town, but I need to get a car first…
I think it is more of my unmotivating attitude toward to people because my history with them or friends kinda shows me that nothing lasts.
Didn’t think you meant it that way, but I wanted to make sure that you know I don’t think that. Is your hearing impairment a total loss or profound?
It’s got to be difficult being deaf, there are nuances and cues that you were never able to pick up on (but I bet you’re tremendous at reading body language!), so social skills can be harder to learn, depending upon your education/upbringing.
How good are you at lipreading?
I am profound deaf person It is not exactly difficult to be deaf person (I honestly am fine with it) but it is difficult with people around me in social. Sometimes some are not willing to writing/texting or won’t try small signs I showed them (if they know me for awhile)… I am pretty much most of time only one who put a lot of efforts into communicating in social. In fact, I am very socialize person in deaf community rather than in hearing world. I can tell if they are not interesting or bored in both their words and mostly body language, then I won’t waste my time on them. I have too much experience with that shit. I am tired of feel left out or have to wait on my friend to explain what is so funny 5 min ago at party or dinner.
I am fortunately to meet few people that actually respect me. I remember one family I recent meet and have dinner few time now. They all have whiteboard and markers at dinner table all ready to write and also they remember more signs in short time to help carry on the conversation. That might be the best “dinner at the table” experience and many deafies would love that.
For the lipreading, I can catch some but in realistic, with only lipreading you only can catch at least 1/3 of everything and have to fill in between with many guesses. So, it is not always effective (really it is pain in ass).
I was taught to speak without an accent so that it would be easier for a hearing impaired person to read my lips. That dry erase board idea is great!
You’re more of an extrovert, i’m more of an introvert. I prefer 1:1 rather than group settings.
I had a friend in college who was blind; it was very difficult describing what was happening in a movie in real time. So I get that jokes would be a bit of a let down if they had to be signed or written.
Well actually I am both extrovert and introvert. My life battery do run out very easy at end of day and avoid people the next day. But, I have high patience for people. I don’t really socialize much in middle or high school or just have one friend. I am used to that life style until I get into college which is big change for me.
Just let you know.”Deaf” is more proper and preferred than the term, hearing impaired. Unless you talk about medical reason with doctor. I have heard of that idea of speak without accent bit before. It is myth. It does not really make much different.
LOL!! We were not allowed to say “Deaf” when I was an “Education of the Hearing Impaired” major in college. Lmao. Everything I was taught was wrong.
Thanks for correcting me.
My pleasure. 🙂
goodnight j-b102. Nice chatting.