my life only gets worse with time.

Every year, my life ONLY gets worse. More pressure, more anxiety, more self hate, more wishing I was dead. I have wanted to die since I was about 11 years old, and I will be 21 this April. I really hope I die before 2018 without killing myself. I’m just NOT willing to stick around to see ANOTHER shitty year!
I can’t even tell you how many times I have asked God to end my pathetic, miserable, bullshit, pointless life. Literally every year has been SHIT since 2008. I go through every day wishing I was never born. I literally spend EVERY single day wishing for it to be over. And I have literally been doing this every day since I was about 13. My life is such dog shit I can’t even tell you. Sometimes I get so nervous I literally can’t breathe. I have a TON of emotional pain in my life, but the worst part is the physical pain. I CANT EVEN EXPLAIN HOW BAD IT IS. I spend literally every second of every day feeling SO overheated. For absolutely NO REASON at all. I have had this problem for YEARS now. Trust me, I’ve tried everything. I keep trying different medications and literally NOTHING is working. This makes me literally lose all hope for everything.im SO tired of my life ONLY getting worse every day and this “overheating” feeling getting worse too.
This literally feels like the WORST problem in the world. It is SO UNBEARABLE that I Literally feel like I can’t deal with it much longer. As far as me actually committing suicide, I never would SIMPLY AND ONLY Because of my fear of pain. If it weren’t for that, I would have killed myself when I was 15 years old. I contemplate suicide nearly every day but I don’t think I will ever have the guts to actually do it.

today was SO UNBEARABLE. I went to a movie and I literally cried twice throughout the entire thing. My problem where I am overheated all the time is literally ruining my entire life. Yes, I have other problems too, but this ONE problem is BY FAR the worst problem I have ever had to deal with.

I NEVER wear pants anymore. Even in the winter. Only if it is EXTREMELY cold outside. And I can NEVER wear them inside. Even in the winter. I just can’t take it anymore. Also knowing that Christmas vacation is in a few days, just makes me realize that I am going to have yet ANOTHER vacation where I am going to feel like complete dog shit and wish I was dead even more. I really can’t take it anymore. Hope I don’t have to deal with ANOTHER shitty year.