pessimism

reasons to live:

• boyfriend who loves me, supposedly
• mother who loves me
• dogs to pet

reasons to die:

• sick in the head (gad, mdd, bpd, trich, ednos, etc.)
• my brain twists good things into bad things anyway, so those reasons to live become reasons to die in the end.
• my gpa went to shit, and i’m too sick and lazy to go back to school and succeed in any shape or form, which means i will never earn a degree or sustain a career that is higher than minimum wage (not that having a degree means anything anymore, since there are no jobs anyway). there’s nothing wrong with minimum wage jobs, but if you live in the u.s., you know how difficult it is to survive on that alone.
• i’m queer but my family is horrendously homophobic/transphobic.
• i am a terrible burden on everyone i love.
• nothing gives me joy anymore. i exist in a vacuum of ceaseless suicidal ideation coupled with paralyzing boredom.
• i am an awful, selfish person who should have never been born in the first place. i am an utter waste of a life. my existence is poison and i need to snuff it out.

thanks for listening to my ted talk.