my therapist told me about how much pain survivors of suicide go through, obviously to deter me from killing myself. but there is a selfish part of me that resents that notion. even though my insides hurt so much, even though the thing i want most is to die, i must keep on living for other people? i don’t want to live for others. i’m tired of living for others. it’s not a great way to tackle life, especially when those same people don’t understand how suicidal and sick i am. they just think i’m lazy. they disparage me and grow disappointed in me even though i live solely to spare them the pain and guilt of loss.
i want to cut everyone off and finally kill myself. please, everyone, forget about me. let me die.
4 comments
Many of us have received similar “counseling”. It’s a guilt trip. Guilt is a motivator, no question, but I would hope that you find a therapist who can help you actuate your inner, higher self, rather than guilt the hurting part of you into staying. The advice may be well intended, but Geez, you deserve a better therapist.
it was a long session that was all over the place for a number of factors. the suicide survivor part was but one snippet, something that she rushed in before i left (along with an assurance that i would call a crisis line if i felt actively suicidal). i spoke about suicide a lot during the session, so it’s natural that i worried her. i don’t think it was her intention to make me feel guilty.
That’s good to know, jasal. WIshing you the best.
My therapist keeps broaching the possibility (it seems) of breaking our confidentiality over the subject of suicide. I f I can’t get ultra clear clarification on this I will deliver her a termination of patient/therapist letter.