there is that girl who likes me.
She is fine, I guess.
But I’m not planning any relationship soon, especially with my life being controlled by my parent.
I wanted to know, do you think I should as her out for some kind of meeting and from there to go where ever it takes (no commitment whatsoever)?
I can’t have a relationship right now because I’ve a lot of problems.
I like to think it is temporary, and well, yeah, I’m just 21. But I also think that if it will keep on going, 30 will be my highest age alive. (you can say I’m blessed with durability).
I understood that I can’t keep on social connections and that I’m ought to work or study all the time, so what’s the point?
“you can’t pause your life for 5 years and expecting when coming back, you will just blend in”
I’m already a dead man relatively speaking. I’m an outcast. Because I lack the spare time, money, energy and social connections, that everyone else have.
Unsurprisingly, I can’t sleep.
When I was 9 I was mentally abused.
for 3-5-7 years I guess.
I remember how void I felt. How empty.
How sadistic and envying revenge I was.
I felt nothing,as if no pain, no sadness, not happiness, not joy. I was plain dead from the inside. And that’s how I did my best.
But then I started opening up, sharing stories, feeling emotions.
and right now, I feel I should go back to the same void person I used to be…
What do you think?
I find it as the best solution before suicide.
Regards, jac.
2 comments
I can relate to your problem. I see myself also as doomed and malign. I worry about damaging the people who get close to me with my badness. Or rather, I suppose I just fear they will reject me when they find out the truth about how bad I feel, about how I have totally given up on life, I can’t do life, I am a failure. Because who would stay with someone like that? So easier to reject myself immediately.
I dunno what to tell you. You should understand that you are CHOOSING to reject yourself, and take responsibility for that, if that is what you do. Otherwise, you should inform her of your situation and mindset, but NOT use it as an excuse to make no effort whatsoever in life.
I don’t know. I struggle with these questions myself. But I find that I often do the things I mentioned above: I tell myself I am rejecting her for her own good, but really, it is to protect myself from having my heart broken later. And if I tell her how bad I am, I use it as an excuse. I think to myself “well, I warned her, so it’s not my fault”.
It is obvious I can’t be in a relationship because I’m totally busy.
It is more obvious she is not 100% my type.
I just wonder if she wants some kind of a relationship with no commitments or dates…. just plain – spending time around and having fun.