The stupidest thing i have ever done is that i tried to end my life with the helium methode.
Someone who stood close near me in mine family succesfuly ended her life using the helium methode. This happend 2 years ago.
In the beginning of this year I met a girl who betrayed me after some weeks dating. I was very instable at that moment and became depressed about it. Because that depression i couldn’t sleep very well. Whole nights i thought about the betrayel and i started to loose weight. I called work and said that i wasnt able to come to work for a while. Whole days sitting at home drived me crazy and after 3 months i couldnt bear it anymore. I started to try to hang myself with a leather belt. I tried it everyday but i couldnt finish it because i was too afraid for the pain.
So i thought about other options, jumping from a high building, went to the top floor and got really scared so that wasnt an option. Then i tried to shoot myself i my head because i had a 9mm gun at home. I loaded the gun and then i put in my mouth. Again the fear off failing it started to overcome. So i stopped trying it with a gun. After that i searched the internet about medicines and saw that N******* could do the trick. I tried to order it but all the suppliers online are scammers so this wouldnt do the trick. Then i thought about the helium methode. I had seen it work with a family member which i had found dead. I ordered a helium cannister and made some tubeing with a plastic bag. I wrote the goodbye letter to my family and got to bed. In bed i shove the plastic bag over my head and turned the helium cannister open. I felt the gas flow around my face and layed so for a while. I think 5 – 10 minutes. Nothing was happening and i didnt pass out. So i stopped. When i removed the bag i felt dizzy and felt something wrong in my head. It felt like a sort off shut down. I took my iPhone and tried to send a message but i couldnt find the words to make a normale sentence. At that moment i thought it came because i was dizzy. Not thinking about any brain damage at all.
My family started to notice that i was unstable and feared about my suïcidall thoughts. So they put me in a mental ward in the hospital for ten days. There i was asked to make tests and made me do an IQ test. During the testing i noticed that i became dumb. I couldnt see the normal stuff anymore. I started thinking about my helium try out and got worried that i damaged my brain.
After the time being in the hospital i started to live with a friend. He and his wife bought a big house and offered me to stay with them for a while. During the stay there my Suicide thoughts wouldnt go away and i noticed that i was acting different then before. I couldnt cook anymore and i forgot how to buy groceries at the store. Then i really realized that i had damaged my brain permanently.
At this moment i am again back in the mental ward of a hospital. I am here now for two months. No sign off when i can go home. The doctors here dont believe me that i have brain damage and started to treat me like a depression person. Now i got a dozen medicines like lithium and others a day. It is frustrating that the doctors wouldnt believe me. Every day i am going through a hell. My live has become a living hell. The thoughts in my head are killing me. I went from a decent athletic kind handsome guy to a fat person with brain damage.
Everyday i think about going back in time to prevent myself messing around with the helium. But i cant go back in time so now i am screwed with life. I cant take it anymore the brain pain and the voices in my head are driving me crazy. Everyday is a struggle. An other thing i noticed is that mine penis wont work anymore because the braindamage. Somehow i messed something up in my head during the lack off proper oxygen.
Take my advice and DONT mess around with the helium unless you know what you are doing and are willing to take the risk.
My life is over now. I see no future anymore only whole days off suffering. When they send me home i think i wont be long at this planet anymore. I will do the helium way proper this time. Or if this way wont work i need to hang myself and take the pain as a man.
I am sorry for the bad spelling because english is not my native language.
Once again, dont mess around with the helium unless you know what you are doing. It fucked my live up, and even worse it fucked my parents live up too. Its hard to be a living vegdetable. I am about to loose my lovely work and cant drive my HD motor anymore. My life is done what remains is finding a way to end it all. 33 years old and doomed for live.
2 comments
Yes same thing happened to me my friend told me lithium made her gain weight. For me, I was on 5 month long shots of seroquel. Then in those 5 months I gained around 65 pounds. I was in the best shape and happiest mood of my life before that. Then I was moderately obese and had also received brain damage from the side effects of the medication. 65 POUNDS in 5 MONTHS. Gained. I have lost 60 of the poumds 2.5 years later. But the mental damage has still remained. I also feel like my life has been thrown down the trash because of this and am trying to end it by the end of year.
I’m the reverse of you, I took antipsychotics and as a result I have tried helium suicide. I fully understand how you feel I’ve had the sameans dramatic turn from healthy and happy to haunted and tortured everyday