To anyone over 40 who’s been suicidal/depressed for most of your life, how do you motivate yourself to get out of bed every morning and to do it year in, year out?
Obligation. Sounds so altruistic but it is not. For example: Wives don’t prefer husbands who are obligated to them, they prefer husbands who love them. Obligation to self, to others, to ideals, to values has been getting me out of bed morning after morning year after. Sounds so selfless but it is not. If I ever loose that sense of obligation, without it being replaced by something sustainable, I expect a timely departure to follow.
Thanks a1957, I completely get that. It’s how I’ve lived for a very long time. I’m beginning not to care anymore about obligations. I’m only few years away from 40 but as I get older the less I’m starting to care, including my obligations.
1. Opting out of going to work is never a choice I afford myself;
2. Allowing myself the luxury to believe/hope/work for a better future; and
3. Realizing that I am capable, willing, and likely to die by my own hand than by any other cause.
These things give me an illusion of tolerable endurance and a say in my destiny, the control over which would be taken away from me if I were to give in to my own lunatic inclinations.
I’m getting older and caring less about things I used to care about which is making me wonder what will I do when I get to the point I don’t care about anything anymore. Right now, I’m looking for inspiration from people who are more experienced in life than me but also suffer from the same conditions as me.
Good question. I have others that depend on me. My pets. My fanimaly. And my husband. He gets up every day and goes to work. I know he would rather not. I’m fortunate that he understands my depression. He doesn’t make me feel like the failure I am. Some days I barely function. But I remain. For them. For him. Hoping things will get a little better. My volunteer work was a big factor. But I’m no longer physically able to go like I used to. And for the record, some days I don’t get out of bed at all.
How I envy you! 🙂 I wish I had someone which would actually help me stay motivated. I can’t live for myself, but I can live for others. Problem for me is attracting someone in the first place. Then keeping them.
There are variables within myself too. Mood changes, the unpredictability of my illnesses. Both physical and mental. So perhaps it’s the “externals” that are the only reason I’m still here. Alone and lonely are two different things. I don’t mind being alone. But I’m a lonely soul by nature. I have to fill the emptiness inside of me or life isn’t worth living.
I know in my heart that I am very fortunate to be loved. But the problem with my depression is that everything in my life sort of falls away, leaving me alone and empty. It is all consuming. It’s physical and emotional. That’s when I find myself looking for a way out.
Im over 50.
I recently lost my job,,, which makes me want to fast forward my lans even more. I already had plans before this latest blow. I am only here for one purpose, take care of mom…nothing else. I have nothing else that really interests me to stay in this life.. or that I can count on anymore.
No kids, just a cousin who does care to a point,,, she has her own life, I can’t bother her for my own use to attempt happiness.
And so if I get a job, even a good one, what am I working for? Really? My house is already willed to be given away.
People as a whole that in some cases, just dying is the best option for some. It really is.
I am too damaged to even enjoy anything should it even change…
Tidbits have been thrown at me, only to slip through anyway.
My conclusion is a sensible one…. in my case, I should leave this world. Ive felt this way a long time now, and it only gets stronger each day
Hey FoundHappiness, sorry about your job.
It sounds like your mom relies on you solely? That’s tough. I understand your desire to be finished already. You’re not alone in that, anyway.
A job is just needed to keep us going financially. I won’t be going on any vacation or buying expensive things. In fact,,, there won’t be any gifts this year. We buy what we need as we need it.
A job isn’t just needed to keep you going financially as it also provides a type of structure that fills the time that you’d otherwise be thinking of the types of pain you experience on a daily basis. I’m 44 and have been battling depression my whole life, been battling cancer off and on since I was 28 yet still day to day the thought of just letting go is always on my mind. Topping that off I have kidneys that are slowly failing from years of off and on chemo. How do I get out of bed every day? I don’t do it for myself but for my family, my children, my wife…2nd wife at that. I do volunteer work at the cancer clinic for children and I guess there’s some part of me that feels like I’m needed there. I do have those days that are a struggle to get out of bed to the utmost extreme…sometimes I just don’t. Will I finally give up and just let go?…Honestly some days I feel it’s time yet still I remain knowing that my family needs me. Look, we’re all alone in some way shape or form or why else would we be here? Maybe just looking for some type of answer or something else to fill something missing that can’t be explained.
I usually don’t get up in the morning. More often, I get up in the afternoon. I guess what gets me out of bed, as much as anything else, is needing to go to the bathroom.
17 comments
Obligation. Sounds so altruistic but it is not. For example: Wives don’t prefer husbands who are obligated to them, they prefer husbands who love them. Obligation to self, to others, to ideals, to values has been getting me out of bed morning after morning year after. Sounds so selfless but it is not. If I ever loose that sense of obligation, without it being replaced by something sustainable, I expect a timely departure to follow.
Thanks a1957, I completely get that. It’s how I’ve lived for a very long time. I’m beginning not to care anymore about obligations. I’m only few years away from 40 but as I get older the less I’m starting to care, including my obligations.
1. Opting out of going to work is never a choice I afford myself;
2. Allowing myself the luxury to believe/hope/work for a better future; and
3. Realizing that I am capable, willing, and likely to die by my own hand than by any other cause.
These things give me an illusion of tolerable endurance and a say in my destiny, the control over which would be taken away from me if I were to give in to my own lunatic inclinations.
Thank you for the feedback, it’s very much appreciated.
What’s up with you LordsWrath ?
I’m getting older and caring less about things I used to care about which is making me wonder what will I do when I get to the point I don’t care about anything anymore. Right now, I’m looking for inspiration from people who are more experienced in life than me but also suffer from the same conditions as me.
Good question. I have others that depend on me. My pets. My fanimaly. And my husband. He gets up every day and goes to work. I know he would rather not. I’m fortunate that he understands my depression. He doesn’t make me feel like the failure I am. Some days I barely function. But I remain. For them. For him. Hoping things will get a little better. My volunteer work was a big factor. But I’m no longer physically able to go like I used to. And for the record, some days I don’t get out of bed at all.
How I envy you! 🙂 I wish I had someone which would actually help me stay motivated. I can’t live for myself, but I can live for others. Problem for me is attracting someone in the first place. Then keeping them.
I hope you find a reason within yourself. Externals are uncontrollable variables.
Completely agree!!
There are variables within myself too. Mood changes, the unpredictability of my illnesses. Both physical and mental. So perhaps it’s the “externals” that are the only reason I’m still here. Alone and lonely are two different things. I don’t mind being alone. But I’m a lonely soul by nature. I have to fill the emptiness inside of me or life isn’t worth living.
I know in my heart that I am very fortunate to be loved. But the problem with my depression is that everything in my life sort of falls away, leaving me alone and empty. It is all consuming. It’s physical and emotional. That’s when I find myself looking for a way out.
Im over 50.
I recently lost my job,,, which makes me want to fast forward my lans even more. I already had plans before this latest blow. I am only here for one purpose, take care of mom…nothing else. I have nothing else that really interests me to stay in this life.. or that I can count on anymore.
No kids, just a cousin who does care to a point,,, she has her own life, I can’t bother her for my own use to attempt happiness.
And so if I get a job, even a good one, what am I working for? Really? My house is already willed to be given away.
People as a whole that in some cases, just dying is the best option for some. It really is.
I am too damaged to even enjoy anything should it even change…
Tidbits have been thrown at me, only to slip through anyway.
My conclusion is a sensible one…. in my case, I should leave this world. Ive felt this way a long time now, and it only gets stronger each day
Hey FoundHappiness, sorry about your job.
It sounds like your mom relies on you solely? That’s tough. I understand your desire to be finished already. You’re not alone in that, anyway.
A job is just needed to keep us going financially. I won’t be going on any vacation or buying expensive things. In fact,,, there won’t be any gifts this year. We buy what we need as we need it.
Yes, mom does.
She is the only reason I stay now.
A job isn’t just needed to keep you going financially as it also provides a type of structure that fills the time that you’d otherwise be thinking of the types of pain you experience on a daily basis. I’m 44 and have been battling depression my whole life, been battling cancer off and on since I was 28 yet still day to day the thought of just letting go is always on my mind. Topping that off I have kidneys that are slowly failing from years of off and on chemo. How do I get out of bed every day? I don’t do it for myself but for my family, my children, my wife…2nd wife at that. I do volunteer work at the cancer clinic for children and I guess there’s some part of me that feels like I’m needed there. I do have those days that are a struggle to get out of bed to the utmost extreme…sometimes I just don’t. Will I finally give up and just let go?…Honestly some days I feel it’s time yet still I remain knowing that my family needs me. Look, we’re all alone in some way shape or form or why else would we be here? Maybe just looking for some type of answer or something else to fill something missing that can’t be explained.
I usually don’t get up in the morning. More often, I get up in the afternoon. I guess what gets me out of bed, as much as anything else, is needing to go to the bathroom.