Sooo, a week has passed since I was absent for classes. March will be our graduation but I feel like I don’t want to graduate. I don’t have any will or strength to do things that would take a lot of effort to do. I’m so down and broke to even get dressed and go to school. Too much toxic people keep on surrounding me as if I’m a magnet of toxics. Well, I guess this is what I am fated to be. An unhealthy INFJ who attracts narcissistic, toxic, bipolar people. What else? HAH. Everything is just so overwhelming it’s making me shut everyone out in my life because my energy is being drained out of my system.
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I feel you 100%. School has been really overwhelming for me lately, too, and at the same time it’s the only thing that makes me feel proud of myself. Weird how that works. I know you’ll get through this.
I just want to rest without thinking anything. But I can’t help it because, yeah. What if my life will be much more worse than today? Idk, such thoughts haunt me and then I’ll regret not going to school. Goodness gracious.
oh I know. I don’t blame you at all, either. People underestimate how mentally draining all of this is. It’s not like we’re just sitting here not feeling well. Our minds are constantly racing, keeping us from sleeping, making eating difficult, etc. Some days my mind can exhaust me just as much as running a marathon would.
I want to end my misery. So much. But I still need to wait for 2 or 4 years so I can get myself off this place and start a new.
Start a new? Does that mean you’ve shifted your resolutions to moving and starting fresh somewhere? I’ve been thinking about that, too…
Yeah. Moving out, travelling, migrating? Ifdk HAHAHHAHA. I just want to escape so much. It feels like if I stay here, my life will get miserable and worse ’till I get old.
ahhh that resonates with me so much!! I’ve been in the same city my entire life. The ONLY thing that seems to put a little light at the end of the tunnel for me is moving away and starting over.