I have done all the crying, I don’t cry anymore. I have done all the planning, I don’t plan anymore. I just want to die, I don’t want to live anymore.
My story is not unique, I was abused by my father until I was seven and child services removed me from my home. At age eight my mother abandoned me. My aunt raised me but she had four boys of her own so I was literally the fifth wheel. I was mostly ignored.
When I was sixteen I ran away from home and went to Los Angeles, I joined a band, and became a junkie. I had a severe heroin and cocaine addiction. At 23 I flatlined but was revived, I wish I would have died I could have avoided another 29 years of misery.
I moved to Las Vegas after I got clean and took a day job, I found the love of my life but she betrayed me, then kicked me to the curb, within a year of that I lost my job. I have just about lost everything now.
I have no energy, I am always tired, I have a depression paralysis where I can’t move. I just want to die, I just want to die, I just want to die.
I have planned many suicides, I have attempted many times. I am pretty sure I have a method that will work and be painless. I don’t like people, all my friends are gone, I have nobody to talk to but I don’t want to talk to anybody anymore. I don’t need to hear the suicide cliches. My life is shit and people have killed themselves for losing a lot less then I have lost. I have lost everything just like a hurricane came by and took away my home and all my possessions. I have no family, no friends and nobody cares. Nobody can help me and there is nothing anybody can do, I have lived a life of poverty, pain and misery.
When I kill myself I wonder how long my body will rot before its discovered, I think it will take a month.
1 comment
I’m sorry about your situation..