Guess who screwed up again!!

January 9th, 2018by AKidWithAName

Whoever said “talking helps” is a fucking liar.  Or maybe I’m just a fucking idiot for thinking that advice for good people could ever apply to something like me.  I fucking ruin everything.

Fucking ruined my friend’s feelings for a nice guy because I admitted to liking him, even though I know that my friend and him would be a better match and she wouldn’t destroy his feelings like I would.  I know damn well that I am not mentally stable enough to get into a relationship, and still I said I liked him.  I should’ve lied.  I fucking hate myself.  I never lie at the right times.  I know damn well that I can’t be with him, and furthermore, that she could.  What was I thinking? What the fuck is wrong with me?  Nobody wants to be around damaged goods, and, as much as I’d love to believe otherwise, that’s all I am.  It’s better that I accept this before I try to get into a relationship.  What a fucking dumbass.

Then, I let it slip that I cut myself.  Like the person I told didn’t have problems of his own.  He has better, more important things to worry about.  Goddamn it, he’s a fucking good kid.  He deserves a lot better than some annoying twat telling him about a “bad habit”.  I’m a fucking addict.  I’m disgusting.  I’m abhorrent.  I don’t want fucking sympathy.  I want that to be given to the people who deserve it; I don’t deserve it. And then I just fucking barge in ruining things.  “Hey!  Guess what!  I cut myself and I’m suicidal!  Did I happen to mention that I’m a fucking psycho? Well, I am!  Sorry, didn’t mean to rain on your parade!”  Fucking cringey ass *****.  I have every right to be ashamed and guilty.

And now tonight, I told someone a small part of why I’m going away.  She didn’t know what happened.  She still doesn’t.  I couldn’t bring myself to fuck things up more after I let that shit slip.

I am a fucking accident.  It’s absolutely shameful for me to go around making people miserable.  I can’t believe I did that.  Fucking shameful.  What a fucking monster.  I am not a fucking human and I don’t deserve any of your kindness.  I hope this helps you see that.

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