How do you people deal with this?

January 30th, 2018by Black Holez

I’ve literally had everything taken away from me. I’ve had my dignity taken, my job, my life and my friends. I’ve been the target of the most vicious slanders and attacks and I can’t fight back through all this. What’s worse is that my parents don’t give a damn and even give out excuses that it’s my fault when they’ve also contributed to my present state with their lifelong years of abuse and psychological torment living among them.

I was called names, nothing I did was good, I was never good enough, turned things around to protect their ego and pride, twist things around when I got beaten that it was due to my “rebellious” nature and I’ve been labeled a black sheep even though I’ve never drank (unless on social occasions), never did drugs, never went to prison and never got charged. My brother however who has been through these things get a free pass and even became a “jewel” in their eye because he’s now a lawyer or some shit. What’s ironic here is that I was converted into some protestant religion (we come from a predominant catholic country) and they literally piled up on me and told me my religion was useless and I will never amount to anything despite it while my brother who suddenly converted got off and they were even proud because he is now finally a “changed” man. Now they just excuse this off as “jealousy” on my part. WTF!

I’m literally filled with nothing but rage and contempt for my family. Hell, they even tried to make it a point that I’m nothing to them and I’ve been unwanted for these past years when they sided with other people than with me and wanted me out of the house. They don’t give a damn but want to even just make me more angry by pushing my buttons and telling me I only have one person left to love me in my life, my lifelong sweetheart which has been there for me through all this time. I really have nothing left but rage and anger at this point. I want to kill them, kill the people around me with my bare hands. I’ve reached rock bottom for the past year. All the years of abuse and traumas in my life has taken its toll on me. I feel anxiety, anger, stress and rage all the time. It’s not even healthy but I console myself that I’m still human for feeling these things.

I’ve heard that suicidal and depressed people feel nothing but numbness but I feel rage and anger to the point that I want to kill all those that wronged me. If I could just “accident” people, I would do it without a second thought. Fuck them. If I knew life turned out like this, I wish I was never born if I would be under their household. I know I’m not the only one experiencing this and it’s truly not unique but I wonder how all those guys who have overcome their struggles such as mine go on through their lives without dealing with all their pent-up anger inside. It’s eating me inside and I know it’s destroying me and my relationships with other people. I want to change all that but don’t even know where to start. Some people tell me to move on but I know that the best way on my part is to deal with all those that wronged me.

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