How it finally worked out.

January 12th, 2018by shockwave

Hi guys. you can call me Daz. 5-6 years ago I used to use this site, when I was 15. I have logged onto this site for the first time since then and have read over all my previous posts. I was severely suicidal, I don’t know how I managed but I did. Years later, I’m still here. I hung on. I was bullied a lot in school by many fuckers, I’m gay and knew it back then and that was one of the main reasons I wanted to die, growing up in a homophobic household and area in rural Ireland. I cut myself for years and isolated myself from the world. I had severe social anxiety and found a basic hello to someone terrifying. When I was 18 on New Year’s night, 3 years ago after bullies in my class spread a rumor around school that I was gay, I overdosed but as you can tell it wasn’t successful and I’m glad for that. When school ended I moved out of home and my life started to get better. I made friends, lots. I am now still in the same college, course and that is Performing Arts. I’m in 3rd year right now. This really helped me overcome a lot of my insecurities. I won’t lie I still wasn’t happy, I was hiding a big secret I was ashamed about and still never dared to ever share, to anyone. The fact that I was gay. In my class, there was 2 gay guys who were out and proud. This helped me to learn how to accept myself. One of them was a best friend who I fell for haha and it took me 2 years to tell him. I came out as Bisexual about 6 months into college, but that was still a lie, I wasn’t bisexual I was and am gay. I struggled with my sexuality for years and started using drugs and alcohol as a means to cope. I couldn’t keep it a secret anymore so I just let go and told people individually over the first few months of 2nd year. Everyone was accepting, all my friends and even my mum and brother. I haven’t told my dad because he is an A+ homophobe but I will eventually if I ever end up in a relationship, but I’m pretty sure he’s known longer than I have. My life dramatically changed when I left school and that toxic environment I grew up in. Right now, I have good friends who I see as my family, a good relationship with my mum and brother and I’ve showed everyone who ever wronged me that I have made an amazing life for myself. I want to travel the world and I know I will. Basically, what I’m trying to say is hold on, get professional help, I did, start a new life if you can and if you’re young and have no money like I did, just try your hardest at school and get good grades and go to college. Life is fucked up to say the least but if someone as damaged as me could come out of it, anyone can. I mean that, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. We have one chance at life, just one. Don’t give that up. You are strong and beautiful and never let the influence of others affect you to the point of suicide and that goes to everyone whether you are 13, 21 or 50. I’m glad I’m not dead, I am going to make an even better life for myself and I’m not going to wait for anyone, I don’t need a boyfriend or husband or even kids. I want to travel the world, be adventurous, take risks and live the life I always deserved. I’m young and I’m going to do what I want. It’s my life, no one else’s so fuck society, fuck bad people, fuck everything. Don’t take life seriously, I don’t. I might fail my college year but fuck it, it’s not everything. I could be dead now and nobody would ever know why but I’m not, I’m here and so are you. Hold on, please? It does get better, It’s not a quick fix and I won’t lie I still have bad days but everyone does even the happiest people. I believe in you, okay? If you wanna chat, just ask for my email 🙂

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