My life in a nutshell

So let’s start from the beginning shall we? When I was just 2 years old my Mom broke up with my Dad and was cheating on him with my Step Dad (who I might add is an alcoholic). Ever since I was 5 I was mentally and physically abused whether it be by hitting me too hard to be classified as discipline or it be selling my own dog that I loved and cared for, while I was taking a nap. It only got worse from there. I never had any true friends. Only the ones that took advantage of me. But then I found a true friend! We became besties. I even found a girlfriend! My life was at its peak of happiness… until June 14th 2016. I was 12. My best friend died. Then shortly after, the relationship turned into a harem. My girlfriend kept edging toward the other side but kept reassuring me that she loved us “both the same.” But after a while it was clear she was cheating on me. I went insane! Yelling, screaming, crying. I was broken. That was my first suicide attempt. Cutting. It didn’t work (clearly). But I did notice that it helped me focus on the physical pain from the knife more than the emotional pain. I actually enjoyed it so I kept cutting whenever I would have an outbreak of depression. Until just a couple months ago. My Step Dad was drunk as usual but he kept “pushing my buttons” if you will. And then he brought up my best friend. I couldn’t keep going I took a knife and wanted to kill him but… I didn’t want to force the pain I endure onto other people like Mom, who would be devastated. So I didn’t, instead I went to my room, hid the knife and made a noose. I attached the noose to a pole in the bathroom, I put my neck through and hung but the pole fell off. I kept crying because this world won’t let me end my pain. This isn’t my entire story but it’s the main “jist” of it. I’ll add more as time goes on.