I have lived so many years through this push and pull of coming to the brink of suicide and reeling myself back in, time after time. Two failed attempts, and many imminent plans that were interrupted somehow.
This year, I am getting out of the chronic push and pull. I’m either going to improve my life to the point where it is worth living, or I am going to execute my plan.
I am going to put forth the best effort I can to change things. I will give myself until my birthday in May to determine whether things are different enough to justify staying alive.
It makes sense since this birthday is somewhat of a milestone, and I cannot possibly live past it the way I have been living so far. Things have to improve or they have to end.
11 comments
I really wish you are happy this year and pull through your hardness.
Thank you.
this post is EXACTLY how I am feeling
Glad I’m not alone. Thanks.
Well how old are you?
34. Turning 35 this year.
I agree about feeling a push/pull.
After awhile it feels stronger than any chance of fighting back.
But I hope things turn out the way you like, and I hope the time in between is a memorable journey.
Happy January.
Thanks. Wishing you all the best too.
In addition to the well wishes above, I want to thank you for the phrase “many imminent plans” . I have had those too. They cannot be called attempts in the current use of the word and it was bugging hell out me as what to call those efforts that took time, effort, expense, and truth be told, opportunity cost. Many imminent plans captures the idea elegantly.
I had those imminent plans last week. Came so close. I’m glad I didn’t do it although I’m not quite sure why. I guess I really want to live.
Thanks. I’m so glad there are people who can relate to this!