One wish…

If I had one wish I wish I could give the feeling of depression to “normal” people so they could feel how it is. I wish I could let them feel how it is to feel so down and sad that them two words cant even begin to express how it is to feel “depressed”. I wish I could give people in my life that. To hate life so bad that you would do anything to make it stop. That you would do anything to get the voices in your head to stop saying how much of a loser you are bc your almost 30 and you still havent made anything of your life. That you look at the people around you and think how at your age they were getting their masters or doctorate degree and how you only have your associate’s degree. How your living in your friends basement and can never get a min of alone time to yourself becuase if your friend isnt home then your girlfriend is. I wish I could give people the gift of depression maybe then they would know how it is. Maybe then they would say its ok to let go and end it all and stop looking at suicide as a selfish means to an end. Maybe then someone would relate to me and understand how I feel and can express it in an Intelligent manor. Instead of sitting there blanking out not knowing what to say because to them all depression is, is a lack of friends, or better yet its a saying tossed around because they have had one “bad” day out of the month and there bad days are the equivalent to someone spilling milk. To sit beside me and say that yes they have been where I’ve been and understand how I feel. And for once they would just leave me alone becuase then they would know that sleeping is a tease to someone who wants the ultimate “goodnight”.