Suicide is inevitable for me

Hi, here’s my story and it may help you, im may be nobody but im really willing to help because i don’t want anybody else to feel the same i felt before. You see the last time i wanted to kill my was last week. Since three months ago its been 3 or 4 times and i was just like you sometimes that why cant i just kill myself, but i tried not to kill myself everytime because of reasons such as there are still things so many that i don’t know and anykind of View would be with a high percentege wrong. Every period of killing of mine took 1 week. I half-isolated myself in a room without anything i could kill myself. I tried everything from talking to my friend whom i talked to the first time i tried to kill myself(5years ago) (i was very dumb-_-then) to talking with poor strangers while putting out the garbage. Everytime i stopped thinking about it and got rid of it something beautiful happend. Every single time. You may ask yourself so why did i tried again:p, well im very professional at making myself depressed:). Actually i was in a very rare form of existential depression, and i think it was the only form of depression that i hadn’t got:). At those times everything lost its meaning to me(theyre regaining their meaning now like from zero to one). If you look deeply into history you see that most of the successfull people have had depression(because of so many reasons),most of the time of their lives. But How the hell did they became so great?:)). There are so many ways that even the greatest mathematition can’t count:)(bitter).
But mostly they accepted their problem and lived on greatly. But how…
This has been a long comment though so im gonna say some short things so you can do or try so they (maybe if you want to;) )would help you. And i promise that there will be a day that you say it to your problem that why don’t you just leave me and let me have a good life. And then starts the fight and acceptance.
1. See the movie Theory Of Everything
2. Watch some speaches of eric thomas and some motivational videos(believe me there are good words in them)
3. Read the book: Mark Manson – The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck :)) (this book really really helped me) it says that you (sorry) should give a f*ck about what truly matters like friends and family and yourself but not give a f*ck about what is not worthy at all because you really don’t give a f*ck do you?:)
4. Its good to do anything wonderful that you have been waiting to do since a long time ago.
5. You can change your life if you like to.
And so on
Sorry if was boring
I wish that i was there so i could hug you. At least Everyone deserves to be hugged:)
Please think again before thinking that “this a another thing trying to stop me”. No im not trying to stop you, im just want you to see better before wanting to do that.
Heres a quote from bob ross the painter(rip): “gotta have opposites dark and light, light and dark in painting. It’s like in life. Gotta have a little sadness once in a while so you know when the good times come. I’m wainting on the good times now.”
Bye:)

your welcome noah, my pleasure. I wish to see you writing again maybe in the near future. Wish you the best.
And about the pain you said that you have it nearly everyday, that made me feel less alone thank you. honestly it’s been almost 7 years since i couldn’t laugh or have joy or make music like i used to before. but at least im alive and have friends or family that love me, right?
ever you thought that theres no one that cares about us think about your funeral and try to see how many people would come to your funeral and think about their cryings.
And by the way thats ok not wanting to be one of the most successful people in the world;)
Sorry if i talk to much.
Best regards
Goodguy

Hi noah, hows life?
Rumors say youre training for bowler championship….