Suicide is inevitable for me

  January 5th, 2018 by noah5678

Okay, so the main reason I haven’t committed suicide yet is because I have this fear of pain. Every time I go down to my kitchen, I see the drawer of knives and literally all I can think about is ending my life with one of them.

Today, something very weird and unusual happened. I suddenly, didn’t care about the pain I would feel if I stabbed a knife into my chest. I swear to god, every SINGLE time I think about ending it, there is always at least ONE thing stopping me. It’s so annoying. I can’t IMAGINE living the REST OF MY ENTIRE LIFE without ending it. To be completely honest, I don’t even think I could make it to the year 2020, and maybe not even 2019.

I don’t know how I suddenly didn’t care about the physical pain it would have caused me as much. But this time, something else stopped me. I am always afraid of what will happen if it doesn’t kill me. What will happen next? Will I be in even MORE pain than I’m in now? I swear, if I ever get over all these things; these reasons that stop me from committing suicide, IM FUCKING DOING IT IN AN INSTANT!!!!!!!!!!!!

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