This hasn’t been working.

January 12th, 2018by mindlessgamer619

It started good. Got here, had a plan, was applying for work and doing classwork, determined to finish and start work in a matter of weeks.

Now, I’ve dropped off again. I don’t want to stay here for more than 4 months MAXIMUM. Worst case scenario (and I mean absolute worst case scenario), I’m here until summer, and then, regardless of a plan, I leave here. But I’m not trying to stay here more than 4 months, assuming I don’t get the boot sometime sooner.

I still don’t have work, and it’s been a point hammered in by my mother, subsequently spoiling my mood for the day. She’s concerned I haven’t found a job in the month I’ve been here. Believe me I DO NOT want to be a freeloader. I don’t . I’m honestly irritated that my cousins have paid for me to eat. I also want to pay rent this month, regardless of not having a job, and I’m TRYING, trying to help around the house and help watch their daughter (even though I suck at basically everything real world related).

I thought I’d have been working by now, working on getting a vehicle to drive in, but nope. Here I am, irritated. Just completely irritated. I feel like I’ll continue to be stuck like this, constantly and consistently mediocre at best, and completely and utterly unskilled at worst.

Not to mention, I’ve rarely been outside this house the past month. I still don’t know the area all that well, and between one of my cousin’s working and the other in the hospital, I feel a little stuck at home. I can Uber yeah, but I don’t really have anywhere to go, except a fast food restaurant (which I’m trying to avoid).

I’m just tired of questioning myself at EVERY single turn, and quite frankly, tired of feeling inadequate no matter what I do, or who I try to be. If this is the real me, how am I supposed to properly function in the real world?

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