February 14th, 2018by Blackbear

I just feel lonely..

I hate having this feeling like I’m just gonna end up alone, die alone

Etc

But I know if I do get someone

Idk how long they’re gonna stay with me

How is it gonna end, if there’s even a point because all of the times they would’ve said “I love you and I’ll always be by your side” were a lie something just to pull me into it and then fuck with my emotions..

Having to see an ex almost everyday it’s just taunting, there were no goodbyes

Lol don’t even fucking know what’s going on through their head

They won’t look at me

Acknowledge my existence

I don’t have a clue to what the fuck I’ve done it’s just that maybe I don’t deserve anyone because it’ll turn to shit towards the end

And I always wonder… was it because I didn’t try hard enough

Was it their mental illness that got in the way but how do they not have at least a bit of sympathy for me  knowing my mental state

It just makes it so that every time I look at them I just wanna kill myself

I fucked up so much that the one thing that made me want to be alive just stopped all communication

Maybe they didn’t like me anymore

They found someone better

I just can’t stand not knowing why

Idk why but this still fucks with me even though I’m trying to move on

Nothings working

I just wish they’d give me a reason why and that it’s something reasonable and not something I was just overreacting this entire time…

 

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