Bored to Death… Literally

I want to fucking die. Life sucks, and it’s super boring. Why am I in college because I don’t even know what I’m doing and why I’m here. Everyone just cares about themselves and no one else because people are innately selfish. All I want to do every day is sleep all day, and I’m getting sick of it. I need to escape this repetitive, boring life. We are all dying anyway so why not speed it up. I would kill myself but it’s too scary and hard, plus I love my mom and wouldn’t want to make her upset. This means, however, that I am stuck here doing nothing. I think I need to leave. If I leave, though, then will I just end up exactly where I am now mentally but just physically in a different place. That is my fear because if that happens, then I don’t know what I would do. I sort of hate being here at school. I wanted to transfer, but I fucked that up for myself. My roommate is bitchy sometimes. I know I’m not always the cleanest and stuff, but I am nice, and she doesn’t have to treat me or anyone else so meanly. In 15 minutes I have to get ready to teach little kids how to skate. My roommate is supposed to be helping me, but she isn’t here because she wanted to go home. She can’t just bail, but she does. By doing this, I’m just perpetuating the fact that people only do things that are beneficial to themselves. For example, I only teach skating for money. I pretend to care about kids so that I can get paid. Do I really care? Probably not. That is what is sad because everything is like this. No one gives a fuck about anything.